A warmth spread through my stomach, but I remained still. He was lying, he had to be. Confessing something like that in church…
But he said he had replaced the camera feed, so I was the only one he had confessed to.
It was a secret just between us.
So…had he done it? Killing was one of the greatest sins there was, but there were so many people in this church that had done so many terrible things. Things we didn’t ever talk about. Things that God had forgiven them for over and over and over again.
He could be a killer. He was in perfect control all the time. He never raised his voice, his tone never shifted except for whenit had gained that lilt. I had never witnessed control like that. Never once.
Perhaps he was a killer, and perhaps this cane had sunk deep into flesh and bone. The flesh and bone of many people. Blood coating it, flowing freely across the carpet, soaking my shoes—
“Oh, how interesting,” he went on, that smile ever present. “Your knuckles turned white. Now I have seen many tapes. Plenty of them. All the ones they didn’t lock away in their secret safes in their private houses. I studied each and every one I could find, and do you know what I have never seen? Little sinner, I have never seen that.”
The tapes they hadn’t locked away? Which tape had they locked away? Which tapes had they kept all for themselves? The ones where they made me impure? Did they have those at their houses? Why would they ever take them out of the church?
I had never wondered about the tapes. About what happened after Thomas took me back to that house, but now I knew. There were some tapes they kept here, and some they hid away.Theirsecrets.
“I amverygood at seeing things others don’t. People don’t like that. In fact, most hate it, but for me? It’s a kind of…power.”
Why had he watched my tapes? That meant he had seen everything. He had seen all of the outfits they had put me in and all of the positions. He had seen what they had made me do.
I swallowed, feeling that deadened heart within me skip a painful beat. Maybe he liked memorethan the others. Maybe that’s why he had studied me.
“However,” he went on, his voice quieting, “I had to see for myself. You have so many rules. Contradicting ones, loud ones, private ones, and I was curious to know which ones you followed and which ones you ignored.”
I never ignored a rule. Never. Not for years. I did the best I could never to break any rules, not unless I had tobecausethey contradicted each other.
“Look at me.”
I remained still.
“Still as a statue, aren’t you?” he mused. “You could make my brothers and sisters run for the hills.”
It was a comment almost to himself, if I had to guess, but my mind had locked onto the information he had allowed me to have. He had a family? After all this time feeling his eyes on me, hearing his voice, I never once considered that he might have a family. He didn’t seem like the kind of man to have a family.
“I want you to stick the end of my cane into your mouth.”
Without hesitation, I pushed the cane back gently and started guiding it to my lips—
“Stop,” he ordered.
I stopped, mouth slightly open, the cane balanced an inch or two away from my lips. I felt my tongue start to water, my body preparing for what I had been doing these last two weeks.
But I knew that cane wouldn’t orgasm. I knew there would be no semen coming out of it. It was safer than they were.
“Did you know there is such a thing as beingtooobedient?” he asked, nearing me, his steps silent, his cane still.
The only reason I even knew he was moving was because the weight of his gaze had changed. He was looking into me now. Through me. He was inside my head, and I was glad for it.
“You’re not hard to read. They all made it seem so…impossible,” he said to himself. “‘Touching isn’t allowed from either parties,’” he recited. “‘Never touching, only looking.’” He inhaled. “You should be relieved,” he told me this time. “I don’t liketouch. So many germs, so very little time. I’m cleansing the world, you see. I can’t cleanse it if I am as unclean as they are.”
Like me.
Because I wasunclean. Impure. Soiled. I ruined everything.
“Cane. Forehead. Now.”
I lifted the cane without thought, placing it right in the center of my forehead, my mouth closing, the drool that had pooled on my tongue falling slowly down my throat.
