Mr. Bastrom liked the leather dresses the most, but heespeciallyliked me in green. I think it was because green represented youth, life, and his was nearing its end.
I put on the heels Thomas put out for me and finally joined him in the hallway where he had gone to take a call. Even in five-inch heels, I was still on the shorter side. I had measured myself once, with a ruler I had found in my kitchen drawer. It had been difficult, but at the end, I think I figured out that I was around five foot and six inches tall. So, even in these heels, I was still not as tall as most of the men here.
I followed him to room five, a room meant only for two people. It was smaller than the others, and it had only one bright light and one camera. I actually liked when it was just one other person because that meant I wouldn’t have to be there that long. Usually a couple of minutes. And maybe, when Mr. Bastrom was done, Azrael would still be in the sanctuary. Maybe I could see his shoes one more time before he left on one of his trips.
Thomas opened the door, allowing me in. “I have to take another call,” he announced and shut the door behind me.
He was leaving me alone? No, that was against the rules. I knew the cameras saw everything, but I was never to be alone in a room with anyone other than Thomas. Never.
I hesitated before heading towards the center of the room, catching sight of Mr. Bastrom’s shoes on the way. This wasn’t good, it wasn’tright.
I hated the way his eyes felt on me. It made my stomach twist uncomfortably. It felt like sticky, melted candy coating my skin, making me want to take a hot bath afterwards.
“On your knees,” he told me.
I did as I was asked, my dress sliding up to my hips at the motion, revealing the white underwear I was wearing underneath.
“Sit back on your heels.”
I sat back on them, my ankles bending in a strange and uncomfortable way.
“Spread your knees.”
I shifted, spreading my knees, the leather dress moving further up towards my waist.
My eyes remained on the floor, looking at my knees, at where my hands now rested on them. I kind of liked this posture. It made me feel warm in the pit of my stomach, although I would alter it slightly to make it more comfortable, but with Mr. Bastrom staring at me, the warmth was quickly replaced by worms. Twisting and turning, wriggling around inside of me.
Next, he would ask me to open my mouth. That’s what they liked when I was on my knees. Open mouth, tongue out. I don’t know why they liked it. Drool always dripped from the tip of my tongue, and I hated it.
But maybe I would see Azrael afterwards, and that thought made all the bad feelings go away. Maybe he would talk to Thomas again, taunt him. Maybe he would make another comment on my braid. Maybe he would make me smile again. I liked smiling.
The chair creaked, telling me that he had gotten up. His steps were heavy, and sometimes his left foot dragged the ground. I think maybe his boots were too heavy. “Close your eyes, open your mouth, and stick out your tongue.”
I did as I was told, thinking only of walking back out of this room, of walking into the sanctuary and feeling those warm eyes on me. The eyes of my ghost, of my sea.
The sound of his zipper met my ears. He was faster than the others, so I knew it wouldn’t take long.
I thought of Azrael’s shoes, of his voice, the way he spoke. I liked that lilt I always heard. That dangerous little lilt of an oncoming storm.
I heard a grunt and then the sound of slapping. I never looked to see what they were doing. I never looked to see what their cocks looked like. I never looked higher than the knees on anyone but me, not ever. Not since I was nine. I accidentallylooked up when mother announced my betrothal. I remember seeing Pastor Masters and Thomas. They both had cold brown eyes.
I remembered looking up one other time too, but I don’t remember why. All I remember was that I felt sick and more tired than I had ever felt before. I had been 11, and I remembered seeing the eyes of that man standing above me. The coldest eyes I had ever felt. They had been blue, and there had been nothing at all behind them. As if his soul had been gone.
I think…I think maybe I’d look up to see Azrael though. I think I would risk the punishment just to see his face one time—
Something touched my tongue, and I gasped, jerking back from it. I snapped my mouth closed and forced my eyes to remain shut. What was that? It felt smooth and it tasted bitter and far too salty.
They had never put anything in my mouth before. Did Thomas know about this?
“Sit up, girl,” he ordered, and then his hand was wrapped around one of my pigtails, and he jerked me forward.
I grunted as that thing touched my lips, forcing them apart. It was hard and soft at the same time. Saltiness coated my lips, and I hated it. I hated it.
Ihated it.
“Open your mouth,” he growled.
I felt the tears burn the back of my eyes, fear building under my skin, pain erupting across my lips where they pressed against my teeth. I didn’t like this. I didn’t like this at all. This wasn’t following the rules. I had to follow the rules.
