Especially if the water drowned me.
Death would be kind in a world like this.
~ ~ ~
January 29th, 2020
Good morning, Charles,” I heard him say.
“Mr. Thorin,” Mr. Alascer greeted with a smile “Good of you to join us this morning. I haven’t seen you in some time.”
It was something they always said. He was always gone a few weeks, but I suppose they might be noticing the same things I was.
He had been changing since October. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but then I realized something important; since when does the sea ever stay the same?
It doesn’t, it ebbs and flows. It breaks off into rivers and channels and peninsulas, reaching far and wide, swallowing up cliffs and glaciers and lands.
It never stayed the same, it couldn’t afford to.
I think something was put into motion long ago and I am only just getting a taste of it now; the salty taste of something brewing.
But today, I could hear it. It wasn’t a trick of my ears or something that could be misconstrued. Something was definitely different in his voice. Something…darker than before. As if the sanity that had been slipping from his grasp every day for a lifetime had slipped a great chunk more since the last time I felt his gaze.
I couldn’t help but wonder what had changed.
What was so different?
Things had shifted at the church lately too. Since Thomas told Azrael to speak to his father, the tides had shifted. The last time a change like this happened had been the day my mother died. The tension grew thicker, hands grew rougher, words crueler. Last time it had been the gain of power over me that had caused it. What was causing it now? Could they sense Azrael’s power like I could? Were they finally tasting it?
He hadn’t yet been down that hall, but something told me he wouldn’t dare pass that door until he got the information he wanted first. Still, the questions grew.
Would his voice still be the same once he passed the threshold?
Would I ever feel his warm eyes on me again after he walked back there, or would his gaze turn as cold as the rest of them? Would his gaze cause my stomach to twist and my soul to crumble?
I hoped not.
“Oh, the daffodils have been blooming, and their puzzle will soon be solved,” Azrael hummed.
Riddles. I liked riddles. I liked them and I hated them at the same time.
For instance, I knew for a fact that the daffodils hadn’t been blooming. It was January. It hardly ever snowed in Seattle, but it still got very cold, it still rained and froze. There weren’t many flowers that survived this time of year, certainly not ones meant for the sun.
He must have been talking about a person.
A Favorite? Was he finally given the chance to have a Favorite? That would mean that he was officially a Pillar. I should have guessed that. I was smarter than this, despite what Thomas claimed. I should have known. He had been here for some time now, despite his absences, the timeline made sense.
Despite myself, my stomach fell at the thought. Part of me had still wanted his attention. I had still wanted to be a consideration even though I knew it would never happen. I had even put a braid in my hair. Maybe I should have added two. Maybe I should have worn my lavender sweater instead of my green one so much.
But I just hated the color lavender.
Maybe he liked it though. I know that Mr. Young loved lavender. Maybe Azrael did too.
But his aura felt sored, my favorite color. Perhaps that’s what I would choose then. Maybe next Sunday I would wear red and a braid. Maybe then he would see me and consider me to be his second Favorite.
I could be his favorite Favorite. I knew I could. Anything to keep his warm eyes on me. Anything for relief from the chill.
So, if daffodil was a person, that meant the puzzle was about her. Azrael was smart, I could tell that just by the words he chose to use. He was saying exactly what he meant to say, but Thomas was too stupid to understand it. I wanted to understand it. I would do anything to understand his riddles. It would give me something new to focus on outside of the voices I had been hearing since the day I was born.
