But it wasn’t okay. This was why I wanted him to stay away.Thiswas why I couldn’t talk to him, why I couldn’t be around him. I couldn’t control this. I couldn’tstopit from happening. It was just…it was there, living inside of me. I could have killed him.I could have killed him!
I turned away from him, my mind racing. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t be here. I had to stay at home where it was safe, where I couldn’t cause any harm. Where I could control it easier.
“406,” I heard Everett say, and my breath caught, my arms wrapping around my waist. “Yeah, come over.”
I fucked this up for him. I fucked it up for Malachi. I shouldn’t have come. I never should have left the house.
“You did good, pup,” he said, causing me to freeze. “You did good.”
I finally turned back to him, finding him still on his knees, relaxed back on his heels, that blood from my hand slowly seeping into the collar of his shirt.
I took him in slowly, my body warming as my eyes worked their way back up to his. God, he looked good like that. I glanced towards Tommy and back. How could I have done good? I lost control. I fucked up.
He only smiled.Smiled. “I would have done the same. Maybe not as messy.”
I felt my expression shift to a glare. He was dead, wasn’t he?
His smile widened. “You’ll get better.”
The glare fell, my heart skipping a beat, my arms tightening around myself. Better? How could I get better? I couldn’t control it. That…thatrageinside of me, that monster, it wasn’t something I wanted. I wanted nothing to do with it. Ever.
His expression softened, his brows pulling together. “Is that why you’re scared?” he asked me. “Because of that anger?”
I swallowed, turning away from him. I didn’t want to do this right now. I didn’t want to talk about it, I just wanted to get cleaned up and move on. Leave this place, go back to my house and…and what? Watch television? Sleep?
Let my own thoughts eat me alive?
I closed my eyes and shook my head. There were no good options here. I had traded one cage for another. I would never escape.
30
Everett
October 28th, 2022
She was refusing.
I watched her from the far corner of the apartment, Malachi standing feet away, talking to the cleaners about what to do while Evelyn and Cam, one of the members of Harriet’s cleaning team, tried to talk to Olivia.
She was just sitting in the chair, staring.
She had Merlin clutched in her bloody hands, Lucy sitting right by her side, looking between she and the body, her ears folding every time she found Tommy, only to perk when she looked back.
Why was she refusing?
She had made progress. She had done better today. She gave me a look of relief when I said she had done good. So, why wasshe shutting down now?
“Jack is tracking down those pictures now,” Malachi said, rejoining me. “But he suspects they’ll lead to a network far bigger than we think. A rabbit hole of sorts. We’ll do our best, but this would be a larger commitment. One that could span years.”
I found his eyes for half a second. I understood that. Kiddy porn was not an easy thing to shut down. We had done it in the past, but it had taken two years, and we only found a few of the suppliers, not the people running it. Unfortunately, it would always be around. It wasn’t something that could be stopped just fought for eternity.
“You should get yourself cleaned up.”
“No,” I replied evenly. No. I had my own plans for the handprint she had left around my throat.
“How is she?” Malachi asked after a moment.
Afraid. Terrified of the anger that now lived under her skin. I wasn’t sure if that’s why she wouldn’t talk to me, but after watching what happened in this apartment, after seeing the look in her eyes, I knew that’s what she felt. She was scared of what lurked within her now because now she felt a kind of rage she didn’t understand.
