“You okay?” Evelyn asked as I turned for the table.
I tugged at my sleeves and nodded. I was fine, why wouldn’t I be fine? If they could live with their scars, I would learn to live with mine.
I took a seat in front of my computer and pushed it open, my heart thudding.
I didn’t feel like writing, but before that room, when I didn’t feel like writing, I would just write about my surroundings. What was around me now? Two women trying their best to connect. A suffering dog and a pet mouse. A house that wasn’t my own.
I leaned back in my chair, gripping that bottle in my hand, staring at the screen. I took a long drink and shook my head. I shouldn’t even have tried.
I shut the laptop and stood, heading back for the living room, that feeling brewing under my skin. I needed television. I needed something to drown out the thoughts, to make this less than it was. I needed something to get rid of that thing inside of me. Thethingthey had bred in that room.
I needed it gone, whatever it took. Whatever I had to sacrifice, I needed it gone.
I tipped the bottle back and started to drink again, everything fading into a nice, warm buzz. This worked better than writing. It worked better than mindless television, than anything. If this was how it had to be, then so be it.
After dinner, I could feel a tension in the air, and I hated it. Ihated feeling like something was about to happen, it just made me want tobreaksomething.
I was on my second bottle of wine, my hand gripped tightly around the neck, my face pulled down in an irritated expression when they finally walked in.
The leash on the anger was growing tighter as the days went by. Fraying and unraveling. The only way to fix it was another drink. If I could mimic the numbness I had felt in the hospital, that black fog wouldn’t come back, I was sure of it.
But just as soon, Evelyn put the television on mute, and they both stepped in front of the television as if I were a teenager they were about to lecture. “Liv, there’s someone who wants to see you,” Evelyn finally said, folding her hands in front of her. “They’re on their way, we thought it might be good that you guys reunite.”
I looked between them, my eyes narrowing. Who would want to meet me?
Everett?
I didn’t want to see him. I couldn’t. Yes, I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to feel his touch, I wanted to see his eyes staring right back into mine. I wanted to smell him more than just what was on his clothes.
But I also didn’t want him anywhere near me. I didn’t want him that close. I didn’t need him to be right next to me. He hadn’t replaced the one I had lost yet. He hadn’t tethered me down to this world. Maybe Emily was wrong. Maybe I was too broken for him to love, which was fine.
It had to be fine.
It would be fine.
Even so, I adjusted myself on the couch, Lucy looking up to make sure that I was okay before she relaxed back next to me, her head on my lap. Contradictions of the heart and mind hurt more than life itself. I just wanted it to end.
Evelyn gave me a warm smile and gestured for the bottle. “It’d be best if we didn’t have this in your hand with this guest.”
I watched her for a long time before setting the bottle on the coffee table. I didn’tneedit. I was fine without it. I was.
Evie’s smile widened. “Be right back,” she said and headed for the door.
Emily gave me a supportive look on her way to one of the chairs. I really liked her. I hoped, one day, we could become friends.
They weren’t acting like it was going to be Everett, and I was as relieved as I was nervous about who would walk into this room. I didn’t have it in me to have company. I barely had it in me to have Emily and Evelyn around all the time, although I was grateful for their presence, butothercompany? It seemed like too much all at once.
A few moments later, Evelyn reappeared, her eyes drifting back towards the door.
Seconds passed before another woman walked into view, her big, beautiful blue eyes red with tears. “Hey, darling,” Stella greeted, walking around the couch to face me completely. “I just wanted to say something before she comes in.”
And whatever power it was that had forced my emotions into a box in my chest, cracked. Tears immediately burned the back of my eyes, my throat closing. No, no, not her. Anyone but her.
I couldn’t help but look at that bottle as Stella took a seat in the chair adjacent to mine. Just a few more drinks and I would be fine. I’d be fine.
She cleared her throat and adjusted her purse, pulling my attention back. “Evelyn told me that I wasn’t supposed to know this information, but that she felt that for me to fully understand the gravity of the situation, I needed to. I signed a contract of secrecy with her. I probably shouldn’t have, but this is my daughter, and I needed to understand what happened to her so Icould help her the right way, no matter the cost to me.”
Evelyn and Emily headed for the kitchen, leaving us alone.
