I wondered if she would call me a worthless piece of shit too.
Lucy, I knew, was getting angry. She couldn’t understand whyI was lying in my bed all day without talking. Only getting up when I had to use the bathroom. I should be spending more time with her. If I was going to prison, I needed to get as much time as I could with her before I never saw her again.
Even so, I just stared at my ceiling.
I heard my front door open, Lucy’s panting meeting my ears. The dogwalker was back. Great. They always tried to talk to me. Why couldn’t I just have one good one that never spoke?
I didn’t want to have small talk. I didn’t want to know about the weather or about the other dogs at the park, I just wanted to lay here and have my nightmares and my sushi and my coffee that I couldn’t give up because I had no willpower, and just…be.
The door opened and I heard Lucy’s paws against the soft carpet pad over.
I closed my eyes and pulled my blanket closer to my chin, careful of the bandages around each cheek. I didn’t have the energy to do anything but hold her. I wish she wasn’t so worried, so antsy for me to get out of bed, so I could just hold her.
My blankets disappeared and I gasped, lurching up, finding Everett standing at the end of my bed, his eyes glowing brightly like a damn wolf in the night.
My eyes widened and I scrambled back, wincing when I put too much pressure on my hand. I clutched it to my chest, heart hammering. What the Hell was he doing in my house?
He stormed around the bed and grabbed my arm, jerking me from the bed.
I grunted, fighting against him, but it was useless. I had no strength left. I hadn’t stood up much in days, and the heaviest thing I had held was an 800-page book, which was heavy, but not enough to matter.
He dragged me into my bathroom and tossed me onto the toilet.
I watched in panic and fear as he walked over to my cabinetsand went right for the first aid kit.
How did he know where I kept that?
What was he doing here?
“He’s here to collect his payment.”
Steven was dead, but I wasn’t. I hadn’t left the house, that was the thing that made the most sense. If he wanted his payment, he needed to come to me.
I scowled at him as he headed for the counter and I folded one knee over the other, fully aware that I was wearing nothing but my pink silk shorts and a tank top. No bra. No underwear. Just that.
He glanced over, taking in my new position and he rolled his eyes, turning back to his work.
My chest caved in a little. He didn’t want me though?
Why would I want him to want me? I didn’t. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. I shouldn’t care about that at all. In fact, I should just call the police myself. I saw what he had done. I listened to him dismember Steven piece by piece, I was still dreaming about it, that had to be enough to get him arrested.
But to make me an accessory. It’s been five days. The police would ask why I didn’t call them earlier. And why hadn’t I? Because I was waiting for them to come get me?
What a load of crock that was.
But even despite all that, I felt a stone grow in my stomach when I thought about that look and I immediately turned away, glaring at my shower instead.
No, I didn’t want him to want me, not rationally, but then there was that little piece of irrationality within me that remembered how it felt when he looked me in the eyes and fucked me with his loaded gun…
He stepped in front of me, blocking my view, his hand held out and I glared at it for half a second before turning my head to the wall. Fuck him.
He assaulted me. Wasn’t that what he had done? I didn’t stop it, I wanted it, but he did assault me.
He made me cheat on Steven.
He broke me in a way that I couldn’t fix. I had one thing in this world that I could control and that was my own body and how it reacted to others. I couldn’t control how mom felt about me. I couldn’t control what Steven did to me. I couldn’t control what Katie decided to change in my books or when I was allowed to send in a chapter. I couldn’t even control my own fucking dog now.
But I controlled how my body reacted up until I met him, and I would regain that power. Whatever the cost, I had to get it back.
