A means to an end.
Was that enough for me? This. Just fucking?
Because…because I was falling hard for him. Ihadfallen hard for him. And I was nothing to him.
I slid my hands back into my tangled hair and sank to the ground. Goddammit. That was not supposed to happen.
It couldn’t happen.
I couldn’t feel like this, not for him. Not for anyone right now, I was pretty sure, but certainly not for him.
Wasn’t there a ‘healthy’ waiting period between an abusive ex-boyfriend being murdered in front of a person and that person moving onto someone else?
I rubbed my eyes, pulling my knees to my chest, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than I had in a very long time. As if my heart were suddenly on the outside of my body and could be seen by the world.
As if he would know as soon as he saw me next that something vital had changed.
What would happen then? Would he toy with me more? Would he use it against me in some fucked up way? Or would he hand me off to one of his brothers, Azrael perhaps, to pay the rest of this debt?
My blood ran cold. No. No, I didn’t want that. I couldn’t have that.
I dropped my hands from my face and stared blankly at my bathroom. I refused to be handed off to someone else. I wanted him.
So, I couldn’t change. I couldn’t allow him to see this horrible revelation. I couldn’t allow him to see that I craved fighting with him. That I craved hearing his voice. That I craved his touch. I couldn’t allow him to see that anything had changed at all. I felt like I was suddenly the injured deer the wolf had been looking for and now I had an open wound I had to protect with my life.
He could never know that I had fallen for him. Ever.
26
Olivia
June 7th, 2022
Duringmy shower, I registered something I hadn’t before.
Malachi had mentioned that there was a man following me. Someoneotherthan Everett, which was as unnerving as it was irritating.
I was so oblivious to a world I thought I paid attention to, and now, after both of my revelations, I had to face the one person I truly didn’t want to see again. It was strange how much the world changed when you realize that your heart was lingering on eyes it shouldn’t. It was too bad I couldn’t train it like I trained Lucy.
My traitorous heart was already fluttering before I even left the bathroom, and I wasn’t at all surprised to find Evelyn and Everett sitting in my living room, waiting for me.
Evelyn smiled from where she sat on the couch. “Hey, baby.”
I ignored her and turned to the kitchen. “I’ll be out in a second.” I couldn’t deal with this. With having these intense moments of pure bliss with these people who were using me as payment to a debt I didn’t own. It was starting to wear onmy psyche. On my physical and mental well-being, but what really bothered me was knowing that Malachi was the one who ordered it all. It only made it worse. It made everything worse. I wasn’t sure how long I could keep dealing with it before I simply imploded.
Lucy followed me, watching as I pulled out a wine glass, filled it, emptied it, and filled it again. Someoneelsewas following me. And I briefly remembered Everett telling me that the night after my first meeting with his father.
But I was exhausted and all I wanted was to sleep, despite the fact that it was barely 2 in the afternoon.
I rolled my shoulders and finally headed back for the living room to face the problem I was most likely creating.
Everett was standing behind one of the chairs, waiting like the angry cat he was while Evelyn admired her nails, as if remembering something fondly.
I eyed her as I sat in a chair completely opposite Everett. Maybe this time what I needed to swallow wasn’t the anger but everything else. That was the only way to get through this.
She smiled and folded her hands together. “It’s been a while since I’ve smelled a beautiful woman on my hand. About a month to be exact. I do love the way you smell though. Simply divine.”
My cheeks warmed. Not because of her but because the thing I would not soon forget was the feeling of Everett’s head between my legs and the feeling of his tongue lapping me up desperately.
