We’re still new. It’s only been a couple weeks since we first slept together and most of that time he’s been on the road. We’re having fun right now. I don’t want to ruin it by getting too serious too fast. Was this even what he wanted? Sure, we were playing house by spending every night he’s in town together either at my house or his condo, but there’s been no conversation about what we are, what this is. I’ve been scared to bring it up for fear of overcomplicating it, especially after how embarrassing the first time we had sex again was where I overthought so hard I almost ruined it. My phone pings on the counter where I’ve been staring out the window over the kitchen sink.
IVORY
Whenever you want kinda meant come hang. Where are you?
Chuckling to myself, I slip my shoes on and walk out the door while responding to her text.
“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Closing Bree’s backdoor and locking it behind me, I turn to her as she gives me a look.
“Don’t gloat.”
“I’m not gloating. I had fun with your friends.” Lunch was great. The family unit they’ve created was relaxed and fun.
“They’re also your teammates so you can’t be that surprised.”
“I’m not, but from the sound of our conversation this morning, you were.” As I expected, there was no awkwardness with me there. In fact, I fit perfectly into the inner circle. I was hoping once Bree saw that, she wouldn’t be so apprehensive about our relationship.
“I wasn’t afraid they wouldn’t like you. Clearly, they love you because they hang out with you on the road and added you to the group chat.”
“What was it then? Did you think about what I said?” I cage her into the corner of the kitchen by the stove. She loops her arms around my neck, bringing us closer together. A good sign of where she’s at mentally.
“I did. I think I was just scared about inviting more attention to whatever this is.”
We’ll get back to the “whatever this is” comment in a minute. For now, I wait for her to gather her thoughts, knowing we need to have this conversation before the next one.
“It’s one thing for them to know something is going onbetween us, and it’s another for us to act on it in a public setting. Does that make sense?”
“It does. What comes up?” I rub soothing circles along her back with one hand as she plays with the hair at the nape of my neck.
She swallows thickly like the words are hard to get out. “Uncertainty. Rejection. Beyond the work complications, you’re a lot younger than I am, and I don’t know, I just worry about judgments.”
“Have they judged you before?” This group doesn’t seem like the type to judge their friends, but I don’t know them as well as she does.
“Them? No, but other people close to me have.”
Ah, that’s what this is about.
“Who?” I ask, gently.
Staring ahead without seeing, she speaks in a monotone voice. “My parents. Their friends. Classmates. I was different than they were. Focused, determined to leave the town I grew up in and pursue my dreams. Once I got a scholarship to NYU, I left home and did everything myself, but any time we talked, they tried to tear me down. They didn’t support me. You start to second guess everything when the people who are supposed to be your greatest champions are the weapons aimed to destroy you. Eventually, I cut them out entirely. Meeting Ivory and Taylor freshman year helped, but those scars run deep, and sometimes they’re hard to shake. I hate that my immediate reaction when something is going right is to doubt myself, but it’s a trauma response.”
“And this morning was a trigger?” I ask, putting the pieces together.
“The idea of inviting criticism into whatever this is … it spooked me.”
“There you go again saying ‘whatever this is.’ Are you worried that I don’t want tobe in this relationship?”
She avoids eye contact when she softly answers, “I don’t know, are we in a relationship?”
Gripping her chin, I bring her eyes back to mine. “Yes, this is a relationship. I told you before that you were mine. Nothing you just told me changes that. Your hesitation this morning doesn’t bother me. Fuck what people think. Maybe I need to prove to you that I’m not going anywhere. I thought I did that already, but it seems you need a reminder of how good we are together.”
“How are you going to do that?” Her chest rises in anticipation. What she needs right now is a distraction from the rampant thoughts in her head. I debate tying her up again, but I want her hands free to roam and touch. To feel all the things she does to me. The way my body reacts to her touch. The only time she’s truly in this with me is when we’re physical and her brain shuts down.
“First, you’re going to go upstairs and change into one of those sexy-as-fuck lingerie sets I know you bought to surprise me with. Then you’re going to crawl on the bed and wait for me.”
“How do you want me?” She bites her lip as she teasingly drags a finger down my chest.
Always so willing to please in this department. My cock twitches in my pants in anticipation. “On your knees on the bed. Go. Tell me when you’re ready.” I motion to the stairs with my head, releasing her from the corner.
