“Yeah, she was here when I got back from the doctor’s office.”
“What did you tell her?”
“Nothing, told her I was working at a coffee shop.”
“What happened at your appointment?” he asks, getting us back on track.
“My doctor thinks she felt something in the other breast, not the same one as last year. She wasn’t sure if it was just dense breast tissue, or if it was a lump. So, she ordered another diagnostic mammogram. I’m not forty yet and don’t have annual mammograms yet.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He stops massaging and turns my chin to him.
“I don’t know.”
“Bree.” His plea for more hurts my heart. I hate that I did this to him, to us.
“I was scared. I wanted to go home and fall apart for a minute, throw myself a pity party, and then forget about it until my mammogram. I didn’t want to bring anyone into it until I knew for sure if something was going on or not. I know we talked about me being more open, but this is me, Chase. I overanalyze, I overthink, and I avoid my problems when the emotions are too heavy to deal with.”
“Is that why you picked a fight?” He rests his head on my shoulder, pulling me closer into his chest.
“Partly. The night of my appointment was the game where you winked at the camera and put your jersey in your mouth. I was in a bad headspace and Ivory and Taylor were talking about how hot that move was. Obviously, I loved it too, but then Ilooked around and you had every woman in the stadium frothing at the mouth for you.”
“And I only had eyes for you.”
I cling to his arms around my middle like he’s my life raft in a storm. His steady heart beating against my shoulder blade assures me of his truth as I share the deepest, darkest part of my intrusive thoughts from that night.
“Logically, I know that, but in that moment it felt like you could have anyone you wanted and they would be better than me. Not someone who insisted your relationship be a secret. Not someone who is an anxious overthinker who keeps putting you through hell just because she doesn’t know how to turn it off and live in the moment. And definitely not someone who may or may not be facing a cancer diagnosis.”
“All the fears creeped in, and you believed them,” he whispers into my ear.
“I did. I’m not proud of it, but mentally I was shot. I couldn’t fight it off, so I let it fester, and then when you got in that fight at the game a few days later because of me? I couldn’t take it. The possibility of you getting into more trouble because of me, the idea off our relationship being outed before we were ready, it was too much all at once and I reacted. I tried to push you away because I convinced myself if we broke it off now, it wouldn’t hurt as bad.”
“And how did that go?” I feel his smile as he kisses my cheek, already knowing the answer.
“It was miserable, and it was only a few days that we barely spoke.”
“I wasn’t going anywhere. Inconvenient time to be on the road, but regardless of if you had sent me that text or not, I was coming over here today to work it out. I’m all in with you Bree. You can try to push me away but I’m not leaving. You’re it for me.”
“How can you say that? I’ve been an absolute nightmare to deal with, and you don’t even know what the doctor said.”
“I don’t need to know what they said. It’s not going to change anything for me. Whatever happens we’ll figure it out together. As for you being a nightmare, I wouldn’t have you any other way. Your big, beautiful brain is part of what I love about you.”
Gasping, I freeze.
“Did you just—” I turn around in the tub to face him, my legs straddling his hips.
“Well, I didn’t foresee this happening naked in the bathtub with you, but I’m not mad at it.” He winks. “I did. I love you, Princess. Every single piece of you that you try to fight and hide away. I love that you care. I love your drive and your passion for your work. I love how you challenge me to be better, to do better. I love how you don’t take shit from anyone, but on the inside you worry more than you should. I love how you see me as more than The Chaser and my mistakes. How you gave me a second chance even when you demanded to keep me your dirty little secret. I love your friends, who’ve become my friends. I love this bubble we’ve created together, where you can relax and let me in. It’s all you, Bree. Imperfect and perfect, all of it together. I love you.”
“Chase.” I don’t know what to say. I’m on emotional overload. He kisses the tears off my cheeks then my nose, then my forehead. I feel his love in every point of contact.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I didn’t tell you because I expect you to say it back. I wanted you to know. I’ve almost told you so many times but the timing wasn’t right. Not saying the timing is right now with what’s going on, but I couldn’t hold it back anymore.”
“The timing was perfect.” I kiss him, pouring every ounce of emotion I possess into the kiss. I can’t say it with words, but I can show him how I feel. “I need you.”
“You have me.” He deepens our kiss, sucking my tongue into his mouth and drawing a needy moan from my throat.
Reaching between us, I fist his hardness and he whimpers when I pump him slowly.
“I don’t have a condom in here.”
