I am concerned what that will look like. The studios aren’t likely to make any moves on a new project any time soon. Last I heard from Taylor, it sounds like the post-production is on pause too now that the World Health Organization has officially declared a pandemic. State governments and businesses are also closing down. Hopefully things don’t stay this way for long and we can all get back to work. I worry the most about the crew who rely on the constant stream of income.
My need for coffee drags me out of bed before I become a complete sloth today. My body could also use some movement and a quick yoga practice promises to center me with the added benefit of keeping me somewhat in shape. Unless I’m required to work with a personal trainer, I am not a gym rat. Though my public image requires I look a certain way, I prefer yoga or Pilates to heavy workouts. Ivory Crenshaw is fit, presentable, a social butterfly, and Hollywood’s Sweetheart. It’s exhausting being that person all the time. Sometimes, I forget who I am in the gaps between my official persona.
The media does their best to blur the line. Even with the current state of the world, the headlines in L.A. are reporting that my project was canned and speculating Ivory Crenshaw shouldn’t be running anything behind the camera.
Breathing through the sun salutation and lifting my arms over my head, I dispel the negative thoughts with a breath, diving down towards my feet. I repeat the motion a few times until my presence returns to my body. For now, I get to be the real me. There are no prying eyes. I get to be Ives. A woman who likes to keep to herself, read books, and could care less if she has makeup on or her hair done. Ives lives in lounge clothes and leggings, where Ivory lives in dresses and pantsuits.
Transitioning into downward dog folding to upward dog and back down again, I wish there was a way to marry the two versions of me instead of feeling like I have split personalities. The sun glistening off the open ocean is warm on my exposed skin. The perfect backdrop for this exercise. Moving through the last few poses, the tension in my shoulders and legs melts away. My body feels longer and looser. My breath is more centered.
As I’m finishing up my shower afterwards, my phone rings from in the bedroom. Seeing it’s Gabrielle, I quickly towel off, throw on my robe, and answer the call.
“Hey babe, what’s up?”
“A little birdie told me you took a vacation for once in your life.”
“I see nothing is safe with Taylor, as usual.” I laugh.
“Of course, nothing is safe with Taylor. She’s the biggest talker of all of us. The fact that most of her job as an agent and publicist means keeping her mouth shut about her clients is comical. She does a really shitty job with her friends. But you also know there are no secrets between us.”
Gabrielle’s summary of Taylor makes me laugh again because it’s so true. Gabby is the vault, and not just because her job as a lawyer requires it. We don’t see her often, but time and distance has never impacted our friendship.
“She’s not the only one though. Did you know that you were possibly checked into rehab after a bender when your pilot was canceled?”
Groaning, I fall back on the bed. Of course, the tabloids are still going crazy.
“Ugh, who reported that one? I’m sure a few ‘sources’ came forward.”
“The Beat. You know their stories are only good for comedic effect.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one they’re constantly misreporting on.” My voice is soft. I know she is trying tokeep me informed but also keep it fun. It still hurts every time.
“Maybe when you get back, you can come to Nashville for a while. Stay out of L.A. a bit longer. I miss you.”
“I miss you too. I will think about it.”
“My house is always open, you know that. It’s probably a good thing you’re down there though. Things are getting a little crazy up here.”
“How so?”
“Well I’m sure your dad told you, but they postponed the season indefinitely, and now the Players Association and the league are discussing new start dates and player salaries.”
I haven’t spoken to my dad since he called the morning I left Los Angeles. I’m sure he’s going stir crazy without baseball. It has been a huge part of his life for the entirety of mine. Mike Crenshaw moved to Los Angeles after he was traded to the Dodgers. He was dominating the league when he met my mother who got pregnant with me not long after. My parents divorced when I was still very young. My mother and I don’t have a great relationship, but my father and I share a special bond. Unlike my mother—who constantly wants to shout her relation to me for her own gain—my dad tries to keep our connection more private.
At first it wasn’t easy. My career was taking off and the media would speculate about our relationship. He wasn’t around a lot between playing baseball and then moving into coaching. Things got messy for a while. As I’ve gotten older, he understands my need for autonomy and my need to have our relationship be a safe space from the media attention. With him most recently on the East Coast, it’s not as hard since we don’t see each other often. In L.A., it was a lot harder.
“He told me about the postponed season. That sounds rough.” Gabby is currently an attorney for the new expansion baseball team in Nashville. It’s an amazing accomplishment thatshe has worked so hard for and very few women get opportunities in that field. I’m so damn proud of her.
“It’s a madhouse. Not to mention, everyone freaking out at the grocery store. We ran out of toilet paper, for fuck’s sake. Who’s going to shit that much?” She raises her voice. I can picture her waving her hands as she gets riled up. One thing to know about Gabby is that she is no bullshit all the time. She’s also sarcastic, brutally honest, and a damn good time.
“Maybe everybody’s worried they’re going to get uncontrollable diarrhea.” I try to hide my laugh but fail miserably at her response.
“They don’t need seventeen packs of toilet paper, Ivory.”
“What else is going on?”
“Nothing. I was calling to check on you. I’m sorry about your pilot.” Her voice is soft, full of sincerity.
“Yeah, it sucks. I mean I guess I get it from what you just said about how bad things are getting, but in the moment, it didn’t feel like that, ya know?” I sigh, sitting up on the bed.
