“Your boyfriend?” The girl asks, gazing past me at the group.
“Oh um…no,” I huff out, embarrassed at getting caught. “Just good friends.”
She hums with understanding, observing me in a way that makes me feel a bittooseen. I shift in the sand, feeling embarrassed for being so transparent.
“Really. We’re just friends.” I wonder if she can hear the small hint of sadness in the phrase. The one that lands like a thud whenever anyone asks how I feel about Will. I never tell them thatfriendsis an understatement. That ever since I met Will it feels like a part of us has fused together. That we aren’tjustfriends—we’re each other's person, our relationship surpassing labels, our tether a lifeline keeping us going.
“I have a friend like that,” she says, sinking her toes into the sand. Understanding laces her tone and I feel myself blush, slightly embarrassed for being so transparent.
“Oh…” I scan the party wondering if I can spot them.
“They aren’t here,” she says, more to the crashing waves than to me. “I’m trying to be more independent this summer, at least until we start college in a couple months. Trying to figure out who I amwithoutthem.” There's a tinge of emotion in her voice but her eyes are determined and I envy that. The ability to pull away.
“Did you just graduate, too?” I ask, my curiosity piqued and she smiles, glad for the subject change.
“Yes! Heading to Astor. How about you?” There’s a gleam to her now, like she can see all the endless opportunities in front of her and I immediately relate. This want for a new life outside the one I currently am living.
“Also going to Astor,” I smile and she returns it.
“Maybe we can distract each other this year, from ourrespective security blankets.” She gestures toward Will’s direction and I can’t help but let out a chuckle.
“C’mon,” she quips, pushing up off the sand before wiping her hands and extending an arm to me. “It’s summer! We’re in theHamptons. We should be having fun, not staring forlornly into the ocean.” I’m about three inches taller than her but something about the way she carries herself makes it hardly noticeable. Her bright blue eyes have a hint of mischief as she drags me toward the makeshift tiki bar to the right of the bonfire.
The sun has officially set by the time we’ve both had three strawberry margaritas. Considering I’ve only ever had a drink once before, and it was the peach schnapps Will stole from the bar of his dad’s annual Christmas party, I am well past my limit. The flames from the tiki torches create a glow over the party and I can’t help but let the beat of the music take over as I sway alongside my new friend. We’re both giggling at the group of guys hovering closely near us. One of them, Dean I think his name is, keeps looking shyly in my direction, his dark curls falling in his eyes. I blush, continuing to sway, but she instantly clocks the expression.
“I think he likes you!” she shrieks in a whisper. I playfully roll my eyes.
“I doubt it. He’s caught up in the moment.” I spin and drunkenly crash into the sand, sending her toppling over me. We both burst into a fit of laughter—the real kind, the kind where we have to hold our stomachs because it aches with the movement, tears falling down our cheeks.
“Everything okay over here?” The voice is familiar and causes something to bloom in my chest. I smile up drunkenly at Will whose hands are on his hips, eyebrows raised. He wears this pleased grin and moves to help pull me up. I’m dusting myself off just as Will extends his hand again,pulling up my new friend. There’s something that shifts when he meets her gaze. It stops me in my tracks, this shift so small that only someone who knows him inside and out would notice. That glimmer of light he has when he looks at me seems fully turned on…but he’s looking at her.
“I’m Will.” His voice is steady but has a nervous edge to it as he pulls her up and I tense, watching as she remains blissfully unaware of his attention on her. She steadies herself in the sand, brushing the yellow sundress she has on with the back of her hands.
“Wow. I just realized I never got your name,” she says to me, completely bypassing Will. He’s too enraptured by her to care and follows her gaze to me. There’s a conflict happening in his eyes that I don’t think either of us quite understand. I shake myself out of the trance.
“It’s Gen,” I say, forcing myself to smile.
“Lily.” Her smile is blinding and she pulls me in for a hug. I hug her back but feel less enthusiastic than I would have moments ago.
“And I’m Dean.”A heavy arm slinks over my shoulder and I feel slightly nauseated. With Will here, I don’t think Dean is quite as cute. Lily casually nudges Will with her elbow as if they go way back and didn’t just meet two seconds ago.
“He likes her,” she says quietly, but just loud enough that we all can hear her and Dean snickers softly at my side. I see Will tense, his jaw flickering slightly, but it quickly fades as he peers down at the blonde beside him.
“Do you wanna dance?” Dean says at my side. He’s just about my height, a nice build and even nicer hair. But the problem is, he isn’t Will.
Lily nods her head, enthusiastically mouthingyes. I feel the irritation beginning to boil inside of me and I can’t helpbut wonder if it would still be here if Will wasn’t. If I would be up for dancing with a random boy at a random party, my new friend cheering me on, if he wasn’t here. Would I want Dean if there wasn’t this invisible string between us? The one that seems to act as an anchor more often than not, leaving me stuck here waiting for him to look at me the way he’s currently looking at her.
“C’mon Genny, you love to dance,” Will says, so naturally that you would think it was common. That he’s always telling me to go dance with a guy who isn’t him. His gaze flickers over me quickly and I know he sees the hurt on my face, I see the tiny wince flash across his but it’s gone in a blink. He grabs Lily’s hand and I watch her eyes widen in surprise.
“Maybe we can inspire them to join,” Will says, his voice low and shy, the one he’s only ever used with me.
Lily smiles at his plan. “Let’s do it”!
Before I can even register what’s just happened they're gone, moving toward the other couples swaying by the bonfire. I turn toward Dean, extending my hand and give him a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. He doesn’t notice.
We sway, and I barely notice how long we do, the songs passing by one after another. I politely laugh at Dean’s poor attempts at flirting, answering his questions but not quite enough to fall into a steady rhythm of conversation. Lucky for me, the bonfire and music are loud enough that it makes talking hard. It doesn’t seem to drown out the laughter coming from across the fire, though. Will and Lily are illuminated in the orange glow, her head thrown back, her giggling almost melodic as Will dips his face next to hers to tell her something. The song changes to a slower one and I watch as their bodies seem to fit together perfectly. He gently grips her waist; she lets her head drop to his chest.
Rage burns inside me, a flame threatening to eat me alive. An arm wraps around my own waist, pulling me in. I meet Dean’s eyes; they’re nice, a dark brown. His lips pull in a slightly drunk grin and I give him a polite one back, my earlier buzz leaving me tired and sad.
