The thought hits me like a punch to the gut, the idea that whatever cosmic tether joining me and Will may have been snipped leaving a hollow feeling there. Because maybe I’m not in love with him the way I used to be. Maybe I’ve spent the past two years holding on to this idea of who he was and only now that I’m finally looking at him clearly do I see it for what it is. A memory.
“Oh, so now you’re jealous of Scott, too?” I know he’s bating me. I know he wants a fight. It’s so classically Will. I should ignore it, drop him off at the gala and leave, but I feel used—and not for the first time. No, for the past two years he’s been using me, whether it be to fill the void Lily left behind or as a way to make Olivia jealous.
“Don’t you think getting wasted and lashing out at the people who actually care, is getting a little tired?”
“I’m just saying, you’ve always had an issue with me and Olivia. You’re probably overjoyed that she ended it.” His voice is harsh and I know he means for it to be.
“Of courseI have an issue with you and Olivia. Your entire relationship is built on alie, a lie that you can’t even admit exists. I mean, you can’t even say Lily’s name Will!”
“Jesus fucking christ, can we just not?” He runs his hand through his hair, the waves falling right back into his eyes.
“Sure—let’s not. I mean, we never do, right? Let’s just keep pretending we didn’t know her, because that's been working outsowell. In fact, let’s just not do this at all.” I puthis car in drive and swing it into the nearest parking spot, pushing the gear back into park. I turn the key in the ignition, shutting off the engine. My anger is fluid, ripping through me at wrapt speed and honestly, I’m more mad at myself than anyone for letting this go so far.
“Gen…stop. Look, I’m sorry.” He roughly rubs his hand over his face. “That was fucked up. There’s just a lot going on right now.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to pull clarity from thin air because Will is my oldest friend and the part of me that will always love him is warring with the part that knows that he isn’t my person anymore. The realization that the past is just that—thepast—makes me see him with a new lens. Gone are the rose colored glasses that I put on when I was just a girl, the ones I didn’t realize I had on until recently. Tears prick my eyes because I know I can’t be here anymore, but the guilt of that realization is astounding as it wraps its way around me. Like me admitting I don’t want to be the one to pick up the pieces after he blows himself apart feels like a betrayal, even if I’m only admitting it to myself
“Let’s just go.” He nods to the road, gently begging me to let this go with his eyes. I slide my phone out of my clutch with a trembling hand and begin typing in Andy’s name.
“Seriously, Genny…” He slurs my name and it seals my decision as I text.
Can you take Will to the gala? I already left but he needs a ride. He’s been drinking.
Andy
Sure thing. Be there soon.
Will watches as I hit send then turns, lightly resting his head against the glass. “Okay Gen, awesome. Just leave like everyone else does.”
“Will, I can't?—”
“Can’t what?” His voice is full of hate and it breaks me, my tears now fully falling.
“I can’t just keep watching you fuck up your life. I know you miss her.Imiss her. But I miss you more. I miss who you were and the craziest part is you’re stillhere.”
“Gen…” his voice softens as he reaches out for me, but I shrug him away.
“No. Don’t.” I open the driver's side door, forcing myself to step out into the crisp night air. I stand there for a second, looking into the dark green eyes I used to dream about. “I need time…some space.” I sniff, unable to wipe away my tears at the speed they’re falling, and despite my best efforts to steady it, my voice breaks. “I’m really sorry, Will.”
His jaw clenches and he blinks away the glassiness in his eyes. “Gen, you’re all I’ve got.”
I press my lips stifling the cry threatening to escape before shutting the door and walking away.
16
Grant
I resent this night already, knowing Gen will be there but that I won’t be able to be with her the way I want. It’s getting worse—the way I find myself needing to hear her voice, see a text from her, feel her. I’ve anticipated the temptation she will be to me tonight, all day.
And now there’s this: me pulling Andy’s passenger door open, the dark tint of his window having completely obscured Will Chapman from my view.
Fuck me.
The sight of him has me wishing seven years of bad luck on Ben and the shop still working on my truck as I slam the door in his face, hurrying myself into the back bench of Andy’s car. It’s a tight squeeze, and I contemplate getting out and calling for an Uber, but Andy’s already hurtling down the road.
“Look what the fucking cat dragged in,” Will slurs, and I just see the back of his head slowly shaking right to left. If it weren’t for his lazy speech, I’d have assumed Andy spilled rubbing alcohol all over his interior.
“Thanks for grabbing me. Ben ghosted me,” I say, ignoring Will and trying to sound grateful, rolling down my window only to close it after the first aggressive gust of icy air. Will mutters something under his breath, shifting in his seat as he messes with the aux cord.
