“Should we dance?” I say motioning toward the dance floor at the bottom of the stairs. His eyes track the ballroom and I know he’s basing his decision on the whereabouts of his brother. “It’s worth noting that Will and I broke up.” I try to keep my tone neutral although there is a twinge of desperation in my voice that even I’m not used to.
Ben instantly freezes. “What?” It’s barely audible and I can’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment that he isn’t jumping for joy, but of course he isn’t. Will is his brother. What did I think, that we’d end things and Ben would want to just pick up in his place? Clearly his loyalty lies with Will. I feel nervous beads of sweat forming along my hairline. “When?” His voice is a whisper his face a picture of shock.
“Well, technically we are on a ‘break’ but— I don’t know there’s a lot going on.” I blurt out, wishing I hadn’t said anything in the first place.
“Oliv—” he starts but I cut him off.
“Look I know this situation is complicated and I completely get it if you don’t want to be seen with me but—” He stops me short, wrapping his long arms around me in an embrace. His face nuzzles into my hair inhaling my scent. The hug is comfort incarnate, all warmth and safety as if no one can see me outside the walls of his arms.
He slowly releases me and I feel completely and utterly vulnerable. “You okay?” he asks softly.
“I just want to not think about all of it. I just want to have one good night before I have to deal with it. Can we just dance?”Drunkenness fuels my desperation as I grasp Ben’s hand. For a moment he stares into my eyes and I can no longer tell if I feel unsteady because of the alcohol or his gaze.
“Of course I’ll dance with you, Liv.” It comes out quietly, gingerly, almost a whisper but not quite. His face is innocent and shy and perfect. I instantly forget the optics of what this looks like, or maybe I just don’t care.
I pull Ben toward the dance floor just as they start to play a slow song. He raises an eyebrow at me as if to sayhe’s game if I am. I softly put my hand on his shoulder to reassure him as he draws me in at the waist. I rest my head on his chest and we sway and listen to the sound of each other breathing. He somehow smells like all of my favorite things, his body warm and firm, allowing me to melt into him. The song ends and another begins but we lose the rhythm.
He feels like my childhood home, a lit candle in a freshly clean kitchen, a hot cup of tea with just a little milk and sugar. The world fades and I realize I never felt like this with Will, like the entire world was moved off its axis when we were together, like us being together happened by some miracle and now all the pieces of myself seem to fit together more perfectly. I don’t feel the need to tuck parts of myself away, hide them from his view. I close my eyes and let the smell of him, the closeness of him, seep into me.
A song with a quicker tempo comes on and pulls us out of our trance.
“We should get a drink,” I suggest.
Realistically, I shouldn’t get plastered at the biggest event of the academic year but something about Ben makes me feel safe, like I can let loose and everything will be fine. A smile pulls on the corner of his lips.
“What?” I blurt a blush rising to my cheeks. Maybe he thinks I’ve gone insane. Maybe he doesn’t want to waste his whole night with me.
“I like you like this.”
My blush deepens.Is he making fun of me?“Like what?” I say a bit defiantly.
“A bit unraveled. Uncensored.” Ben’s eyes twinkle with mischief as he looks down at me.
“So is that a yes to the drink?” I say, rolling my lips together to hide my own smile. He makes a face like he’s considering and then grabs my hand, leading me to the bar. I laugh, a real laugh, not a snarky one or a flirtatious one— a real, full laugh.
Ben is grinning when we get to the bar, his gaze mulling over me like a warm blanket. “I love that sound.”
I smile, and he orders us a round of shots. I realize the bartenders don’t give him nearly the hard time they gave me. He hands me my shot and holds his up in a toast.
“To one good night,” he says, his face like a child with a secret.
“To one good night.”
19
Ben
“So, here’s the plan—” I say as Olivia looks up at me, hands on her hips and her game face on, like she’s one of my teammates ready for the next drill. “You’re going to go up to those women and start singing my praises.” She crosses her arms, shooting one eyebrow up, which makes me laugh. “Trust me!” I say, chuckling.
“You really think they are going to donate just because of your charm and good looks?” she says, eyebrows still raised.
“So you’re saying I look good?” I wink and she bursts out laughing. Her laughter radiates through me, not for the first time tonight. I somehow feel whole with her, complete. Like she is the cure to every ailment I’ve ever known.
We’ve been playing this game since we left the dance floor. Anytime one of us gets a donation from one of the alumni for over ten grand, we take a shot. So far we have taken two, both awarded by her.
“Isn’t there another group you could try and get money from?” Her back is now turned to me as she stares daggers at the aging divorcees.
“Are you jealous?” I say as I move closer, my chest against her back and my mouth mere centimeters from her ear. I feel hershiver in front of me, instantly making me hard. I laugh to shake it off as she whips around lightly slapping my chest.
