“I need a drink,” she says, rolling her eyes for probably the twentieth time in the past thirty minutes.
“I’ll join you,” Grant and Andy say in unison. Grant shoves him again, but nonetheless they both trail Sloane, Grant like the protective brother he is and Andrew like a lovesick puppy.
Alone, I realize I should probably do what I set out to do. I scan the bar and notice plenty of girls who peer back at me, eyes widening as my gaze meets theirs, but anytime I give it a second thought it’s like there's a lead brick in my stomach as my mind immediately turns to Olivia. Just as I’m about to give up, an auburn haired girl slides into the spot Grant was previously taking up. She shoots me an easy smile.
“Come here often?” she says, a drunken giggle in her voice, amused at her own joke.
“No,” I offer, laughing softly. “My friends wanted to do something different tonight.”
“Pick up women somewhere other than your college bar?” she asks, smirking.
“So wearethat transparent,” I admit, chuckling, and I decide I can talk to this girl. She’s funny, not overly eager, and seems self assured.
“I won’t hold it against you,” she winks, resting her hand on my bicep. I can tell she’s feeling for their size by the way her hand wanders, and I have the urge to pick her off me.But this is the point of tonight, I remind myself.
“So,” I begin, “what do you do?”
“I’m a third year at Harvard Law, actually.” Pride beams from her, any modicum of modesty nowhere to be found.
“Wow. So, almost done?”
“Yeah, almost. And you go to Astor, right? Is it true that everyone who goes there is loaded?”
There’s a mischievous glint in her eyes as she attempts to appear unsure of herself. “Sorry, my friend spotted you and told me who you were. I’m sure they’re glad to have you back.”
Annoyance tries to peak its way through, but I bat it away, committed to my plan.
“Yeah. So I’m Ben,” I force a laugh. “And you are …? ”
“Melanie,” she offers me her hand, shaking mine over aggressively.
“Melanie,” I turn her name over out loud. “What are you doing picking up college men? I mean you’re practically out of the nest, and I’m still in it.” I attempt to tap into my prior flirtatious persona, but end up feeling like I’m watching myself from across the bar.
“I…” she starts, fluttering her eyelashes, her hand traveling back up my arm. “I’ve heard incredible things about … well you, your family, and I thought I’d come see if they’re true.”
Shame washes over me when I think about who I was just a couple of years ago. I should be reveling in this attention, the way I would have before, but apparently the twice weeklytherapyhasmade a dent in whatever validation void I was supposedly filling. Morgan coined that phrase for me.
Immediately, I hear her asking me that same question:what do you think you should want, and what do you actually want?
“I’m sorry, Melanie,” I apologize, genuinely sorry for leading her on for even a second. “I’m… not really looking for anything right now.” Partially a lie, but partially true. I’m not looking for anything, because I stumbled into the only thing I’ve really wanted since that night.
An embarrassed flush spreads across her face, her hand quickly wrapping itself around her drink. “No, of course, I?—”
“I promise, it’s really not you. My friend Andrew over there—“ I point to Andrew, busy throwing darts like a showman as Sloane looks on annoyed but seemingly amused— “is who you should be looking for. Never known a woman to complain.” I shrug in nonchalance, hoping she takes the bait. Sure enough, she gives me a quick nod before striding away, but I catch the look she sends her friends. I don’t care if she saves face at my expense.
In fact I don’t care about anything going on in this bar, and I realize I should just head home. When I search for Grant, I catch him at a high top rapidly typing something in his phone, Sloane to his right cheering Andy on as he hits the bullseye. Andrew’s clearly soaking it up as that Melanie girl is also looking on. They won’t miss me if I slip out.
My thoughts wander back to Olivia as I wait for my Uber to pull up. I open my phone finding her in my contact list.
What are you doing?
Backspace.
Where are you?
Backspace.
Can I see you?
