‘I don’t think it’s as admirable as you describe,’ I reply.
‘How would you describe it then?’
‘Frantically playing a really shit hand of poker, hoping against hope that it will somehow come right even though it just keeps getting worse. A Greek tragedy of hope over experience. If this was a film, I’d be walking into the ocean to drown myself as the credits roll and the lights come up in the cinema.’
‘You wouldn’t do that.’
‘No. He’s not worth it. No man is.’
‘Ouch.’
‘Sorry. If you want your ego stroking, now is probably not the time.’
He smiles. ‘What do you think your friend Priya is going to say? She doesn’t strike me as the type to take this sort of thing lying down.’
‘Yeah. Luckily for him, he’s out of her reach in the US. If he’d been playing a concert tour in London, I wouldn’t put it past her to daub the advertising posters with a few carefully chosen phrases.’
‘Really?’
‘No, probably not. She’s far too law abiding these days. She’d definitely think about it though. She was pretty vocal when I told her about the way he behaved at the airport.’
‘I’ll bet. What did she say?’
‘She suggested I should seduce you instead,’ I say. Once again, the words are out of my mouth before my brain can stop them, and I can feel the flush of embarrassment spread across my cheeks. ‘Don’t worry, I put her right,’ I add firmly.
‘Did you?’ His expression is curious rather than offended. ‘Am I such a poor prospect?’
Oh, God. I’ve really put my foot in it this time.
‘Of course not,’ I babble. ‘It’s just…’
‘Just what?’ He’s toying with me now, the bastard. Well, two can play at that game, and it is a distraction from thinking about Gabriel.
‘OK,’ I say. ‘Remember that you started this, all right?’
‘Started what?’
‘Tell me honestly. Do you fancy me?’
He laughs. ‘Oh, no you don’t. I’m not playing that game. That’s right up there with “Does my bum look big in this”, and all men know there’s no answer to that question that ends well.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘If I say no, you’ll be instantly offended. However, if I say yes, then that puts us in a really embarrassing situation. What if I fancied you but you didn’t feel the same? All super awkward. Are you an attractive woman? Yes. Am I attracted to you? To be honest, I can’t answer that. What did you say to Priya?’
‘That you were more like a brother than a lover. It would be weird.’
‘Exactly.’ The relief in his voice is palpable. ‘I think you’re great, I really do. And maybe, if we’d met in different circumstances, something might have happened. But there’s too much water under the friendzone bridge, and the last thing I want to be is the third arsehole in your disastrous year. Maybe we’re supposed to be the way we are.’
‘Which is?’ I ask.
‘Two good friends, helping each other navigate the batshit world of disastrous relationships.’
I smile at him. ‘Thank you.’
‘For what?’
‘For saying the things I needed to hear. For validating me. For not being weird.’
