‘Six months or so at uni, that’s all. And it’s ancient history. I haven’t seen him in years.’
‘Why was he at the nightclub?’
I sigh. ‘Pure bad luck on my part, from what I can work out.’
‘You mean it was a coincidence? Bloody hell. Talk about a small world. Why didn’t you just punch him in the face? Have you forgotten all that stuff he told you when you broke up about you being “a bit needy” and “not able to keep up with him sexually”?’ Her hands make air quotes as she speaks.
‘I was feeling magnanimous. You know what I’m like when I’ve got a few drinks inside me.’
‘Yeah, all the world is your best friend. It doesn’t alter the fact he basically called you frigid and demanding. Give the girl a glass or two of wine and everything is forgiven.’
‘I think I was working more along the lines of everyone deserving a second chance. People change. I know I’ve changed a lot since leaving uni. So no, I didn’t punch him in the face. I let him buy me a drink instead and we got chatting.’
‘It’s still a hell of a leap from “Hi, how are you” to jumping into bed with him.’
‘I know, all right? It wasn’t my finest hour.’
‘How did it happen?’
And that’s the one part of the jigsaw that still eludes me. I asked myself the same question repeatedly as I did the walk or, in my case, Tube ride, of shame this morning. Thankfully, being New Year’s Day, I didn’t stand out as there were plenty of other slightly dishevelled people still dressed in last night’s finery also making their way home. I even exchanged a few meaningful glances with some of them as if to say, ‘No, I didn’t go home last night either.’
‘I wish I knew,’ I tell her honestly. ‘A bit too much to drink, he was being kind and attentive, and I guess I just thought “why not?” when he invited me back. That part of the evening is still a little hazy.’
‘You’re a liability.’ Rosie sighs indulgently. ‘Next year, I’m going to chaperone you all night.’
‘You won’t need to. This isneverhappening again.’
‘Yeah, yeah, and I’m the Christmas fairy.’
‘I mean it. I’m going to be twenty-seven this year. I’m too old for this shit.’
She giggles. ‘How was the sex?Flippingdisappointing?’
It was Priya who gave Stuart the nickname after I complained to her once about Stuart’s apparent determination to work his way through all the positions in theKama Sutrawhenever we had sex. Every time I felt I was starting to get into the rhythm and enjoy myself, he’d interrupt the flow by demanding I shift or turn over. The term ‘flipper’ comes from Priya’s remark that it seemed like he was just flipping me around like a burger and, unsurprisingly, it stuck.
‘Actually,’ I say carefully, ‘from what I can remember, that bit wasn’t too bad. I think one of the people he dated after me must have explained the error of his ways to him.’ I blush at the memory. He was actually very good, and I have a horrible suspicion that my booze-fuelled lack of inhibition meant that I was rather more noisily appreciative of his efforts than I would normally have been. I’m not sharing that with Rosie though. I’ll never hear the end of it if I do.
There’s a short pause, and then she laughs again.
‘What now?’ I ask.
‘I was just thinking how you’ve certainly started the New Year with a bang.’
‘You’re funny,’ I tell her sarcastically. ‘What am I going to do?’
‘I’d say you’ve already done quite enough,’ she snorts.
‘Be serious for a minute.’
The pause this time is much longer, and I can almost hear her brain whirring as she considers different options.
‘Do you have to do anything?’ she asks eventually. ‘How did you leave things this morning?’
I blush again, remembering the garbled excuses as I frantically grabbed my clothes and locked myself in the bathroom while I tried to stuff myself back into them.
‘Honestly?’ I tell her. ‘It was one of the most awkward moments of my life, especially when Stuart banged on the bathroom door while I was in there because he wanted to pee. When I pointed out that I was getting changed, he laughed and said it wasn’t as if I had anything he hadn’t seen already. I think he was honestly expecting to use the loo while I was still in there.’
‘Ugh. There are some things you should definitely never share, no matter how close you are to someone. Anyway, what did you say to him when you left?’
