Then something odd happened. Mrs Busby grasped my wrists to stop me from slapping her and went completely still. I struggled and panted and begged her to let me go, but her grip was tight and strong.
‘I can’t see your baby ...’ she intoned in a strange flat voice that was very familiar. Oh no, I had caused her to go into a trance! It was exactly what she had said at thecottage, yet here she was, saying it to me. And because I wasn’t carrying a baby, it made a lot more sense!
‘There is no baby,’ I said to her, trying unsuccessfully to free my wrists from her hands. ‘Lucinda is the one who’s having the baby, remember?’
‘I can see two men in your life,’ she droned, ignoring me. Her wonky eyes were glassy, staring unseeing at a spot on the wall.
‘Yes, yes, one who will cause my downfall. I know all that,’ I said impatiently, twisting my wrists in her grip. Gosh, her hands were strong.
‘You will have a choice to make. One path leads to happiness. The other to certain death.’
I gaped at her. This prediction was getting bleak.
‘Which one leads to death?’ I whispered, feeling scared now. What if she really could read my future from my wrists?
‘I cannot tell you. You alone must choose.’
‘But that’s not fair!’ I gasped. ‘You can’t tell me something like that and not give me a hint.’
Mrs Busby’s lips moved, and I strained to hear, but it sounded like garbled nonsense. Then she said clearly, ‘Your husband will plant red roses for you.’
‘But why?’ I cried. ‘Because I’m dead? Or because he thinks I would like them?’
‘I cannot tell you,’ Mrs Busby intoned.
Annoyance and frustration shot through me. I had let her speak nonsense long enough! Wrenching my wrists out of her hands, I gave her a massive shove, and she toppled to the floor and started twitching violently.
Well,I thought in satisfaction,you didn’t see that coming, did you?
Chapter 13
Frederick Maximillian Fitzroy was born at a quarter to eleven that night. His real mama performed admirably and came out of her ordeal tired and sore, but with no serious consequences. His fake mama missed his entry into the world because she was soundly asleep. But I was soon woken up because he, after being cleaned and swaddled, was sneaked surreptitiously into the house by Elizabeth and Jane in a carpet bag and placed reverently into my arms.
I gazed down at his small pink sleeping form, noted that his smattering of dark hair was exactly like Max’s, and promptly burst into tears, feeling overwhelmed. This woke him with a start, and he began squalling. Instinctively, I stuck my little finger in his mouth, and he sucked it contentedly with his eyes closed. Oh my goodness, he was so cute! If I was half in love with him already, Max—the big softy—was going to be smitten!
‘You are a natural, Flissy,’ said Jane admiringly, seated on the end of my bed, watching us.
‘Do you think so? I have never felt particularly maternal.’
‘It will be different because he’s going to be yours,’ remarked Elizabeth from the bedside chair. ‘And boysare such fun. Freddie looks like he’s going to be a handful.’
That reminded me of who Freddie’s father was. I traced his tiny nose and soft downy cheekbone with my finger, seeing shades of Dorian in his features already. Was this little boy going to bring happiness to the Fitzroy family, or was he going to be our ruin?
Before I could ponder too much on that, Freddie was taken from my arms and carted back to Lucinda for feeding. I felt the loss of him intently.
So went the farcical routine. Freddie was usually drowsy when taken from Lucinda and would wake in his cradle beside me. I held him often so he would grow accustomed to me, though at times he fussed, seeking the comfort of his real mama. He would settle in my arms, drifting to sleep, only to be returned to Lucinda for feeding and wake again in her embrace. He was probably very confused by it all. I know I was.
During this time, I did not see Lucinda as we were both ‘recovering’ in our respective ways, and she was up at all hours feeding Freddie. Harry visited her daily on the sly and was proving to be a doting suitor. He also spent time with Edward in his study, discussing business, so it did not look too strange that he was disappearing off to the cottage all the time.
Despite our efforts to give the impression that Freddiewas mine and Max’s, I often caught snatches of whispering and saw curious glances from the servants at Harry and me. So I did not know if our ruse had been successful. Even now, gossip about my suspected infidelity could be spreading far and wide, and I was powerless to stop it. I longed to be at home with Max and have the charade finally over with.
The lengths we had gone to in order to protect a young woman’s reputation were, quite frankly, absurd. I fervently hoped that in the future, society would change its tune and that a woman could have a child outside of wedlock without suffering the shame she endured now.
***
At last, the day came when we were able to leave Godmersham, and it was with mixed feelings that I said goodbye to Elizabeth and Edward. They had done so much for us, but I was happy to be going home.
It had been only Lucinda and me when we arrived on that dark, cold February night—both of us sporting bellies. Now we didn’t have the bellies; and our party included Freddie, Jane, and Harry. Tilly was also along for the ride as we were dropping her off in Banbury to visit her brother. Suffice to say, along with all our luggage, Mr Hart’scarriage was full to the brim.
