‘If you do not mind me asking, how did your mother find out?’ I asked eventually. ‘Surely she is not privy to your time of the month?’ But I would not put it past Seraphina to mark off the calendar each month to assess her daughter’s fertility. She was determined that Lucinda should find a suitable match, and it was why she had packed her off to Bath like a prize cow with me as chaperone in the first place. However, her daughter having a child out of wedlock was most certainlynotthe master plan.
‘Mama read my private journal,’ said Lucinda dejectedly. ‘I was stupid enough to leave it open on my dresser. I was attempting to write a romantic novel and use my life experiences, as Aunt Jane had encouraged me to do. But I gave my main character the name Luella, so I suppose Mama became suspicious.’
‘A romantic novel?’ I repeated, taken aback.
Lucinda nodded. ‘Yes, it was a way to make sense of my feelings for Dorian Hart and his betrayal. Unfortunately, the story turned into more of a horror than a romance as Luella stabbed him to death.’
I tried to stifle my chuckle, but it still escaped. And Lucinda huffed a small laugh. ‘Anyway, when I was out visiting my friend Alice, Mama went into my room—for what purpose, I do not know. But she happened to see my journal and decided to read the whole thing! She called me into the parlour when I returned and demanded to know if the story was based on fact because the male character who visited Luella’s bedroom and seduced her was an Italian man called Dario.’
‘Oh dear,’ I murmured, thinking that Lucinda needed to work on her character names if she wanted to disguise her private life in future.
‘Mama was shocked at what I had written, and I admit it was rather detailed on the particulars, for I was writingwhat I had experienced! Then she enquired when I had last had my monthlies, and I could not remember at first. When she pressed me, I recalled it had been in Bath, just after we arrived. “But you have had none since?” she asked me, and it was then I realised that I had not and said as such. Mama’s face went pale, and she gripped the back of the sofa and looked as if she might faint. Then she started getting angry, and there was some shouting ... Well, you can imagine. It was as much of a shock to me as it was to her—probably more so!’
Lucinda’s voice wobbled, and I took her hand and held it tightly. ‘Go on, dearest.’
She took a shuddering breath. ‘I had not imagined that this would be the outcome of my ... encounter with Dorian. The first night he came to my room, he lay beside me on the bed, and we kissed, and it was lovely. He told me that he cared for me and that he would propose soon and that he wished to ... consummate ... our engagement. I told him I thought it was sinful to do that before our wedding night. But he said it was perfectly fine and everyone did nowadays, and would I rather not be modern than old-fashioned?’
I shook my head. ‘Of course he would say that,’ I muttered. ‘Despicable man.’
‘The next night, he talked again of marriage, and I said I wanted to learn how to please him. He undid his breeches and instructed me. I suppose I must have done it wellenough as he was ...’ She looked around and lowered her voice. ‘Extremely satisfied.’
I raised my eyebrows, feeling shocked at her speaking so plainly and that this had been going on without my knowledge!
‘Oh, I know you must think me base, Aunty Fliss,’ she said hurriedly. ‘Yet I did it because I wanted him to consider me a grown woman, and I thought I would be his wife.’
I gulped, unsure if I wanted to hear any more details, but Lucinda was on a confessional roll.
‘In truth, this was why I did not want you to spend the night in my room. After Mr Smith-Withers told us about Royden’s ghost and I almost fainted, Dorian whispered in my ear that I need not be afraid as he would come to me that night and comfort me. He told me he wanted to return the favour I had given him. And oh he did, and it was so pleasing! I told him afterwards that I loved him and would do anything he wanted.’
Blast, I thought.I had been right to be bothered about him saying things that I could not hear. I should have insisted I stay in her room!
‘But the night after that, everything was different,’ she said. ‘I was so happy to see Dorian appear in my room because he had been ignoring me all day. I thought I had annoyed him and he had come to kiss andmake up. However, he seemed very agitated. I hugged him and spoke kindly to him, and he relaxed. But one thing led to another ... We both got caught up in our desire. Before I knew what was happening, he was on top of me and ... well ...’
She looked out over the garden, pressing her lips together into a flat line.
‘I cried a little afterwards as it had hurt, but he did not comfort me. He did up his breeches and said that my future husband would thank him for “breaking me in”. I was confused and said that I thoughthewas going to be my husband. But he said he didn’t know what I was talking about and accused me of trying to trap him into marriage. He sounded so cold and distant. It was like he was a different person. When I realised that I had been a naive fool and that he had tricked me, I let out a loud cry of distress, and he swore and swiftly left through the wardrobe. Then you came in and thought I’d had a bad dream.’
I listened to her with growing dread, realising that the night in question was the same night Dorian had encountered me in his art studio, where he had tried to kiss me with little success. And when he’d tried to lift up my dress, I’d slapped him. I groaned inwardly, remembering the surly look on his face.I roused his anger, and he took his revenge on Lucinda! It ismy fault she’s with child!
I buried my face in my hands. ‘I am so sorry, Lucy.Your mama is right to blame me. I blame myself too!’
But Lucinda would hear none of it. ‘Oh no, Aunty Fliss,’ she said kindly, putting an arm around my shoulders. ‘Please do not. And do not listen to Mama. She is only looking for a scapegoat. But she was not there. If she had been, she would have seen how well you tried to protect me. I was so enamoured with Dorian that I eagerly believed everything he said. I thought we would be married. That is why I allowed him to take liberties with me. If I had known he had no intention of marrying me, then I would not have.’
I thought back to my conversation with Jane at Hartmoor and how we’d decided not to tell Lucinda that Dorian was nefarious in case she didn’t believe us. We should have told her immediately. What a mess!
I straightened up with a sigh and patted her hand. ‘And what of his brother, Harrington? He has no clue, I take it?’
‘No, and that is the worst thing of all,’ said Lucinda quietly. ‘Mama wishes me to conceal it from Harry so he never finds out.’
‘Do you believe he cares for you?’
Lucinda nodded. ‘We have not met in person since I left Bath. But his letters are affectionate, and I believe he holds me in high regard, as I do him.’
‘But if he finds out you are expecting his brother’s child?’
She shook her head. ‘Mama fears he will run away asfast as he can, and I am inclined to agree with her. What happened with Rose was so painful that I do not think he could bring himself to marry me if he knew. So if he did propose, I would have to keep it from him. But how could I ever do such a thing? He is a good man!’ She burst into tears, and my heart sank.
Max was right. Lucinda’s future happiness was in dire straits indeed!
