‘Sorry, he’s mine. He tends to get clingy at this time of night. Come on, Charlie, let’s go and see what Amy’s doing, shall we?’ She scoops him up, and they exit the room. Charlie stares at me over his mum’s shoulder with his thumb in his mouth.
‘All right?’ asks Bailey, who’s been watching the scene.
‘Fine,’ I say neutrally. ‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Whip the cream?’
‘I think I can manage that.’
When I’ve finished whipping the cream, Bailey hands me a Tesco Strawberry and Cream Swiss Roll, saying, ‘Something I prepared earlier. I was too busy to make one.’ He goes over to a cupboard and brings down a fancy cut glass bowl.
‘Who’s cooking Christmas dinner at the hotel if you’re here?’ I ask.
‘We’ve got a substitute chef who steps in when I’m on holiday. Can you cut the sponge into slices?’
I do as I’m told, but out of the corner of my eye, I happen to see Kate finish feeding and bounce her kid on her knee. She doesn’t bother covering herself. I feel a bit shocked. Doesn’t she care that her boob is hanging out for all and sundry to see? I sneak a glance at Bailey, who’s arranging the sponge slices around the side of the bowl.
I clear my throat nervously, and he looks up.
‘You OK?’
‘Three o’clock. Kate. Boob,’ I mutter under my breath.
He glances over and shrugs. ‘No big deal. We don’t care about that stuff. We’ve been brought up to be comfortable with nudity, probably because Mum and Dad are naturists.’
I gape at him. ‘They’rewhat?’
Bailey nods. ‘Aye, big time. In fact, they’re out there now communing with nature. Simon and Sarah are with them too. They like to dabble when they visit.’
I can’t get my head around this.
People arenakedin thesnow! ‘But it’s flipping freezing out there! Are they mad?’
Bailey spoons berries into the bowl to make the bottom layer of the trifle. ‘Nah, they find it bracing. It’s like wild swimming, gets the blood pumping. And they’re wearing wellingtons and hats.’ He jerks his chin towards the back door. ‘They should be back any minute to warm up. You can ask them about it.’
I stare at the door, my mind boggling. What kind of family is this?
‘Is, uh, communing with nature something you do too?’ I ask, my fingers nervously tapping against the tabletop.
‘I used to, but then ...’ Picking up a carton of ready-made custard, he snips open the top with kitchen scissors.
‘Your penis got frostbite and fell off?’ I say witheringly.
‘No, I just don’t anymore,’ he replies cagily.
‘Well, thank God.’
‘Why?’
I lower my voice so no one else can hear. ‘As your fake girlfriend, I may have been expected to do it too!’
‘Oh no. We’d never make you do anything you weren’t comfortable with.’ Bailey grins at me, licking a dribble of custard off his finger. ‘Well, not much.’
‘What does that mean?’
But he doesn’t reply as Kirk pipes up from over by the stove. ‘What are you two lovebirds whispering about? Is the trifle finished?’
His comment brings Sasha and Susie over to the table. They ooh and aah at Bailey’s creation. The pink berry, creamy yellow custard, and sponge extravaganza is finished off with dollops of whipped cream and sprinkles. Bailey has added sparklers round the edge and a few star cookies in the middle for good measure.
