‘Ooooot! Get oooot, the both of you! Dirty dooooog!’ She flaps her hands at me like she’s swatting flies.
I scoop him up and make haste towards the gate, leaving the crazy woman to it. I’m having a quiet chuckle to myself when we’re out of earshot, then realise Crumpet’s gurgling in my arms, like he’s laughing too.
Back at my flat, the run-in with the woman has put me in a weird mood. I have all this enraged energy and no outlet for it. It’s not a good idea, but I do it anyway. I ring the family. I know why they’re all calling at the same time. It’s the ‘coerce Holly down to London for Christmas’ campaign. They should space out the calls so I don’t get suspicious. The mother first. She’s the easiest to deal with, though she tends to be good at emotional blackmail.
Sure enough, after five minutes of meaningless chit-chat, ‘Holly, it was your grandmother’s eightieth birthday this year,’ she wheedles. ‘She’s had pneumonia, gallstones, and Covid. I doubt she’s going to be around another year. We’re visiting her at the rest home in Battersea since this might be her last Christmas.’
‘Sounds like she’s done all right so far. She’ll probably outlive you all,’ I say, checking the fridge to see what I can cook for tea. ‘And please don’t say “last Christmas”—I don’t want that Wham! song stuck in my head.’
The father comes on and goes one better, saying thathe’sthe one on his last legs and it’ll be lucky if he makes it to New Year’s Eve. ‘At least you’ll go out with a bang,’ I tell him, turning on the grill. I was thinking of cooking some tofu because the hotel’s environmental changes have inspired me and I’m trying to eat more plant-based food. But let’s face it—I need sustenance after talking to the parents ... Sausages it is.
Next up, I call my sister, Violet, who goes straight for the jugular as soon as I decline her invitation too. ‘You’re a sad, pathetic loser for wanting to spend Christmas by yourself.’
‘Well, maybe I won’t be alone. I might be spending it with friends.’
‘You don’t have any friends,’ she scoffs.
She’s right, but I’m not going to admit that.
‘I do too. Her name’s Lila. She’s an ex-client, and she lives in Inverkeithing.’ Huh, it actually sounds plausible. But Violet isn’t buying it.
‘Lila equals big, fat lie.’
After hanging up, I feel soul drained. Honestly, I don’t know why they want me to go down to London for Christmas so much. They never bother with me for the rest of the year. And it’s never a good time hanging out with them—the family are not fun people. Besides, I’m actually looking forward to sleeping in and catching up on Netflix. Maybe I’ll eat sausages for breakfast, lunch, and dinner too. Now there’s a thought, and I know Crumpet will be on board.
First thing Monday morning, Andrea asks if I’m available for an urgent Zoom. I steel myself for a gentle but firm bollocking. There’s a reason she’s in HR: she’s good at getting people to follow the rules.
‘If this is about the jumper thing, I really don’t have one.’
‘It’s not about that,’ she says, leaning forward and tilting her laptop screen so she’s in full view.
Andrea has straight dark hair like me, but whereas mine is long and nondescript, hers is styled in a jaunty chin-length bob. I wonder where she gets it cut. We’re friendly enough, but it feels a bit personal to ask.
‘I wanted to talk to you about something else. Lewis Kirkcaldy has invited the whole team to their Christmas party at the hotel. He sent me through the details on Friday.’
‘Yeah, I know. He left a message on my phone and mentioned something about it.’
‘So are you going?’
‘Uh, probably not. I don’t do parties.’ I could attempt to make up an excuse, but she knows me well enough by now.
Andrea looks at me silently for a few seconds, as if she’s trying to gauge how I’ll react to what she’s about to say.
‘I really think you need to in this case.’ I detect a faint note of concern in her tone. That gets my attention.
‘Why? What’s going on?’
‘It was just something Melanie overheard Valerie saying on the phone, which is probably nothing ...’ Valerie is my line manager; and in my experience, when she says something to anyone, it’s usuallynotnothing. Andrea is good friends with Valerie’s PA, Melanie, who has proven herself to be a reliable source of information.
Andrea bites her lip and shifts uncomfortably. ‘It may not be about you.’
‘You may as well tell me.’
‘She said that certain key team members need to start being morepresent.It was fine during Covid, as we were all adjusting to working from home. But now that things are back to normal, there needs to be more visibility and social involvement.’
Huh, that’s kind of rich, especially since Lewis Kirkcaldy never shows his face on Zoom. At least I turn my camera on.
‘I just thought I should warn you,’ Andrea continues. ‘I’m sure she wasn’t meaning you specifically, but you might want to put in an appearance just to keep her off your back. After all, you are the project manager. It will look a bit weird if you’re not there. Besides, it’s a Christmas party! It’ll be fun—’
