As we quiet, I reach over and squeeze his shoulder once before letting go. “Then you start in that room. Anything you want. Cozy couches that will hold you and give you somewhere soft to land at the end of the day. Photos of your land, the place you love. Or paintings of the Nevada landscape.”
I nod, my eyes drifting towards where the sun is just about to disappear. “Yeah,” I say absently, “that’s a better idea. Look.”
I was right about the show. The purple creeping in, darker were the stars threaten to peek out, sets the stage to give the day its final due. And this sunset does it justice.
Pink, orange, yellow and memories of blue paint the sky, clouds making it feel expansive instead of something I could reach out and touch.
“Don’t miss it, Ford,” I tell him, my tone earnest. “It’ll never happen again just like this.”
His hand finds mine on the blanket and the warmth of it feels like more. For just a moment, I let myself believe it’s possible.
Ford squeezes my fingers and when I look at him, his eyes search mine. Just when I think he’s going to lean closer.
Just when I think he’s going to kiss me. Yes, my first because of my fears, my demons, he jerks slightly and leans back. It’s not much, but it’s enough.
I want to yank my hand free of his, but that would make it weird.
“I think,” I glance around, wishing the stars didn’t have to witness this as they start to blanket the sky, and lick my lips, “it’s about time I head home. I don’t want to keep you out too late driving me back.” I force my voice to take on a lightness which feels like lead, “This is why I should have driven myself.”
“I’ll make sure you get home safe, Arden,” there’s something in his voice I don’t understand.
Maybe I don’t want to.
It feels like a plea to wait.
But I’m not even sure what I’m waiting for.
“Okay,” I chirp and stand, probably too quickly. I brush off my jeans even though I was sitting on the blanket.
Everything is packed up, back in the house, and we’re on the road in practically no time at all. Wild how fast you can move when it feels like you’re breaking in slow motion.
I try to keep my face neutral, but whether I’m successful or not is something I completely ignore. This time the silence between us is not easy. Or simple.
It feels messy and filled with so much unsaid.
Was he going to kiss me back there? Can I admit I wanted him to?
I’m grateful when we pull up outside my place. When I reach for the door, I pause and look over at him. “I know your birthday is coming up and it’s Valentine’s Day, but I just wanted to make sure you’re aware friendship dates aren’t really a thing on such special days.”
I’m babbling and it sounds a little crazy. I also can’t seem to stop. My hand shakes as I reach for the door handle and open it, not looking at Ford.
“I do hope that you celebrate your birthday, though. It’s easy for birthdays to be swept under the rug on days like that,” I throw out the words, already halfway out of the truck.
I don’t look back.
CHAPTER 9
FORD
It’s easy for birthdays to be swept under the rug on days like that.
I’m left staring at the space Arden just occupied, the sound of the door closing still echoing right along with her words. With her words.
She threw them out there so casually.
But it was as if every one of them struck a chord in me.
I know those words.
