Don’t you want something more? With me?
He thought about the BOLTs who were worried about the band’s future (join the line!) and their expectations of whatever this mini album was going to be, because Cal still sure as hell did not know. And he thought about Teddy thinking about it and worried he wasn’t thinking of it enough.
All those things were normal, he knew. Part and parcel of his life, and the wild rollercoaster it had been since he decidedto audition for BINJ, since they became the very definition of an overnight success. He was used to all of that, even when it seemed like the rollercoaster was careening toward the end.
None of those things occupied his mind the way Lia Mertola did.
When Teddy said his older sister was also coming to Seoul, Cal didn’t really think anything beyond “the more the merrier!” at the time. Because that was why he bought the three-bedroom condo, right? To host people, because his parents loved hosting people when he was growing up. It was just what you did. Making room for another person was just another thing he had to do to get some progress on this mini album, so he bought more coffee, new sheets, and moved his shit out of the office.
But then he met her, and she’d occupied his thoughts ever since. What did she do? What did she enjoy? Why did she look like she wanted to be here and not want to be here at the same time? Why did she not want a ride from him? He’d learned for a variety show, but he got his professional license!
She seemed to want absolutely nothing to do with him. She couldn’t look him in the eye, but he could also feel her looking at him when he looked away, in the same way fans couldn’t look him in the eye when he smiled at them. Andthatwas curious, since Teddy swore up and down that his sister didn’t listen to Kpop anymore—she liked OPM, local bands, that kind of thing, he said. Was interested in finding a job along those marketing lines, actually.
Andyet.There was that feeling. That familiar, warm feeling he got in his chest when he was with someone who had heard his music. He loved being the guy that people liked, that people knew. Bomseok used to hate that, said he was like a people pleasing puppy. But if that meant he could clock a fan without them looking at him, if it made them more comfortable ifheapproached, then woof woof.
There was just something about her that called to that people pleasing part of him. A sadness, maybe, that he wanted to slowly unwrap and take away from her. Purely because he wanted her to look him in the eye, wanted to hear more about her experience of Seoul from ten years ago, or her thoughts on the cafe he’d recommended.
“What do you think?” Teddy asked, cutting through Cal’s confused thoughts. “Cal?”
They were in the living room of his house, having a band meeting because they were getting nowhere at the studio, and it was better to be nowhere at home. It felt like Cal had listened to a thousand demos, and yet none of them felt quite right.
Well, no. It was more accurate to say thatallof them felt right. Cal had been in the industry long enough to know how to take something and make it into a good song. So now, everything sounded good to him, and it was impossible to make picks for the mini album, much lessmakeanything himself.
Cal was never going to forget the look of exasperation on his producer’s face when Cal explained that his archive was mostly completed songs. That he hadn’t really had anything unfinished. One didn’t get up to a hundred fifty KOMCA credits by keeping everything in an archive.
Right now, they were listening to the demos the company had offered up. Some composer from LA, if Cal remembered correctly. The song was interesting, with a kind of rock band nostalgia that reminded him of drunk old men singing karaoke on the beach with San Mig bottles. It was the kind of demo Bomseok would have challenged Cal to make into a CoBOLT track, to write lyrics that fit that beachside feeling.
“Old ahjussi at the beach sounds exactly like your vibe.” He would laugh, because they liked to joke about being old. Mostly because neither of them had been able to believe they were intheir thirties, holding hands under tables and stealing kisses when they could. His bisexual ass had loved every second.
But Cal wasn’t quite up to that challenge anymore. And thinking of getting older in this industry just defeated him some days, and this was one of them.
“Have you heard from your sister?” he asked suddenly, because at least there was a definite answer to that. And he really needed not to think about his ex-boyfriend, ex-bandmate in the middle of a band meeting. Siwan could sniff that kind of emotional blood like…like a bloodhound, and in fact was already giving him That Look like he knew exactly what Cal was doing.
“Which one?” Aha. Teddy was distracted.
“The one that lives in this house,” he clarified, crossing this particular song off of his list. “She left pretty early this morning. Is she back?”
He knew she wasn’t. Her slippers were still by the door.
“Why are you asking about his noona?” Siwan asked, and mortals would have folded at that look on the bassist’s face. But Cal knew Siwan was just being curious. If love languages manifested in this band, his was acts of service, Soobin’s was acts of cuteness, and Siwan’s was acts of taray. And no, Cal was not going to explain.
“He’s just being a good host, hyung,” Soobin interjected in Korean. “Now that I think about it, I did promise to show her more pictures of Donggu…”
It was easy to say that Cal felt a sense of responsibility for someone living under his roof, but that didn’t feel quite accurate. Was it better to say that he just wanted to understand her a little better? That he wanted to know if she took his recommendation? Did she like it? How was her session? Why couldn’t he stop picturing her sad eyes?
“She should be home right about…now,” Teddy said, looking up from a tracking app. Sure enough, Cal’s door beeped with acode being entered, and the entire apartment fell into a pregnant pause as they anticipated the arrival of his houseguest. Lia took off her shoes and padded into the apartment. Cal felt like a world-class detective as he studied her—she was wearing an old shirt under her jacket, something thicker than the denim she wore this morning—and there was a flush to her cheeks from being out in the cold.
Sure enough, she was carrying a plastic bag. Inside, he saw a distinctive green bottle, strawberry milk, and a triangle kimbap. And maybe he was just imagining that slump in her shoulders?
Cal was sure the worry on his face was almost the exact match to Teddy’s. He was also sure Siwan had rolled his eyes. At him, not at Lia.
“Yes, hello, CoBOLT?” she said, pulling an earbud out of her ear and blinking at them in confusion.
“Thunder, Lightning, CoBOLT!” Siwan said their call sign loudly, making everyone in the room jump and Soobin instinctively join. Cal shot him a glare, which he just returned. She laughed, and the sound was delightful.
“How was your session?” he asked her, and he immediately knew he’d fucked up when she froze, looked at her brother, and her brother looked at him like he’d asked about her secret chateau in France that nobody actually had.
“Session?” Teddy asked.
