“Can I show you something?” Was Mara just imagining that embarrassed blush on his cheeks, or…?
“Is it your pet cat?” she joked, and he pulled her toward him with their still connected hands, raising them above their heads until Mara’s body was flush with his, before he lowered his head and kissed her. She needed to tiptoe a little bit just so he didn’t crane his neck so much.
“Just to clarify,” he said. “I was asking if you were ready to have sex with me.”
“I figured.” Mara smiled. “And yes. Let’s do it. I have condoms in my bag.”
“What a coincidence,” Jay said, moving toward the short hallway to the bedrooms, Mara following behind him, their hands still entwined. “Me, too.”
She laughed and wrapped her arms around his chest, hugging him from behind. It may have been the middle of summer, but giving Jay a back hug gave her a comforting kind of warmth. Mara didn’t want to admit it, but she’d craved this, holding him in her arms and knowing that it meant something that she could do it.
“Is it in your little squirrel pack?” she joked.
“Hey, the pack contains the essentials! I told you this.”
He slowly twisted the knob and opened the door. Mara had to admit that she never really had any thoughts on what Jay’s room could possibly look like. Carpeted floors, maybe. Strips of LED lights tucked behind mirrors or a TV. But what his room actually was, she quickly realized, was comfortable. And very, very him.
The first thing she noted was the bright orange donut-shaped lamp hanging on the wall, one she knew was always out of stock at IKEA. Then there was the bed, a large one that had been placed on a platform, with a duvet cover and pillows that had a lived-in texture she was sure it had come with when he bought it. There was nothing on the side tables that was easily reachable to a child, but he did have a Snoopy doll on his bed. Mara spotted a closet, but there was also a clothing rack left out, full to the brim with all kinds of pieces that she was sure he’d carefully chosen.
Her toes settled into the checkered rug, again something he likely selected. His curtains were the kind that were soft and let just enough of the light through, making the room a study of light and shadow at that time of the day. He turned on a stand fan that was in the corner (of course he’d gotten one of those fancy ones made of white metal and fake wood), and the room seemed to breathe a bit better. He also had one of those very trendy floor chairs that she always thought looked like the back of a centipede, but his was dark green so you didn’treallynotice. There were framed photos of family and friends, most of which she knew he’d taken.
“I love your handiwork,” Mara said, indicating the large painting placed slightly off-center from the bed, a canvas that had seemingly random squiggles and handprints on it. In the bottom right corner, Mara noted someone had written, “Luna, 3.” Or, “Luna’s”?
“It was more of a group project.” Jay chuckled, his hands tucked into the belt loops of his pants as he looked fondly at the image. He walked to one of the side tables and tossed three things on the bed. A pack of condoms, lube and a sheet of paper that Mara picked up to read and saw were his medical results for HIV and STD screenings. She looked at him, smiling.
“You prepared.” She understood his embarrassed blushing now, because she was doing it, too.
“I wanted this experience to be good for you.” He explained it like it was a simple thing, to make her feel like he cared about her. But god, based on everything Mara had heard from everyone else, the bar was so low that all she felt was damned lucky that they wanted each other this much. What a miracle to find someone who cared about you, as much as you cared about them.
“And what about you?” Mara asked, putting the medical results to the side as she turned to face him on his bed.
“Well, I am a man. So it’s really easy for me to enjoy myself.” He bent down to kiss her again, running his hands up and down her arms and making Mara shiver. He undid the claw clip that held her hair back and ran his fingers through her hair before it fell over her face. “But I also have the most annoying sense of pride, so I have this burning need to make you come.”
“Burning, wow.” Mara giggled between kisses, between shivers of her skin as his nails lightly raked the shell of her ears, her neck. Her top was a crocheted thing that was held together by a front tie, and Jay held the end of the string with his fingers and waited for Mara’s permission before he tugged. The front of the shirt was undone, and Mara felt her breaths quicken.
“Did you make this?” he asked, pulling gently at both ties to fully expose the top of her cleavage, her chest rising and falling even more obviously now.
“Yeah.” Mara nodded as Jay kneeled on the floor in front of her, gently pushing her knees wide so he could slip in between her legs to lavish kisses on her exposed skin. “It’s…it’s just granny squares.”
“You like granny squares?” He didn’t even look up, so focused he was on sucking the skin just where Mara’s bra began to cover her up. She heard herself gasp and felt herself shudder, but all her mind could focus on was the head of his breath, the wetness of his lips, the gentle touch of his hand. He undid the second tie, and the third, and Mara was almost panting, aching for him to touch her more.
“They are surprisingly easy to work with,” she said, blindly taking his hand, his wrist, and putting it over her breast. He could barely cover it as he squeezed, and Mara gasped. “Jay.”
“Hmm?” he said, licking the dip of her cleavage.
“Don’t say granny squares when we’re about to have sex.”
The sound he made was the cross between a splutter and a raspberry, because his mouth had still been pressed against her skin. The unexpectedly funny sound had her bursting with laughter. Jay’s shoulders were shaking, and they spent the next few minutes holding on to each other and cackling. And when it faded, Mara knew with certainty that this was not going to be the experience she’d expected, hoped, feared or worried about.
This was going to be so much better.
“Just so you know,” Jay said, holding a hand up to Mara’s eyes and waiting for her little nod before she slipped her glasses off her face and placed them on one of the side tables. “If anything is uncomfortable, you can tell me to stop.”
“I know,” she said, nodding.
“I can stop. I can,” he insisted.
“Please don’t. At least until I say so.”
