“It’s not going to be the same,” Mara said. It was funny how much she understood Irene, despite this being the first real conversation they’d had. Maybe it was a Montinola thing, having such deep conversations so early on? “My sister got married three months ago, and it’s not the same. But I know that as hard as it is for me, it’s harder for her. It’s not life if it doesn’t have change in it, I think. I’m still learning that lesson myself.”
“It’s a hard one,” Irene admitted with a small smile. “He loves fiercely, my little brother. He’s just really good at convincing himself that he’s bad at it.”
In that moment, she was filled with the sibling urge to hug Irene. Mostly because it felt like someone was echoing a lot of her own emotions back to her, and Mara of all people could understand that burning need to make sure your sibling was happy. But also because what Irene had shared about Jay was incredibly personal, the kind of story you didn’t tell just anyone. Mara appreciated it.
“I think you’ll be good at falling in love with him,” Ate Irene said happily, as the violins started to play for Alex’s entrance.
But in the back of Mara’s mind, she recognized that everything she knew about Jay so far, she had heard from someone else. How much had she told him about her fears, her insecurities and her worries, in comparison? It wasn’t a competition, but surely, surely it had to be a little…even, at least? Jay didn’t tell her any of this himself for a reason. Irene was telling her all of this because she assumed that Jay had decided to fully open his heart to Mara.
And if she sprung a couple of tears when Alex walked the aisle, it was easier to believe it was fully because her old friend looked absolutely gorgeous, and so incandescently happy. It was always a good moment, seeing two people vow to be together. And while the yearning in Mara’s heart wasn’t new, it seemed to hurt just a little bit more today.
TWELVE
There was not a single dry eye on the beach when Tori Bonifacio swore to love and cherish Alex Suarez for the rest of their lives. It was a marriage of two powerfully independent women, who just wanted to be together. Who wanted to celebrate that they were together, and have all of their family and friends witness it. Tori’s “my heart knew yours the moment we met,” was matched by Alex’s “you’re my dream girl,” and the rest of the ceremony was a blur of more happy tears and laughter.
Jay had to admit that even he shed a little tear (okay fine, he fully wept, but it wasn’t just him!). Talking about destiny and the magic of love was usually overrated. But hearing about magic and destiny from a queer couple made him feel extra fuzzy and warm, mostly because to a lot of people, they weren’t allowed to have magic and destiny.
To be honest, Jay loved a wedding, almost as much as Mara, maybe. But something in the back of his mind always made it feel bittersweet, like knowing that the bride would be moving away from the family she was close to. Like knowing that as happy as Tori and Alex were, their best option to get any kind of legal recognition was to move to Quezon City (where neither of them worked) and get a legal document that basically allowed them to make medical decisions for each other, in Quezon City.
Weddings were commitments to the sweet and the bitter, he supposed. But it was easy to forget the bitter when there were flowers, when there was a beach, when there were people cheering you on.
“Stop frowning,” Scott said beside him, as the wedding party gathered by the beach for pictures. It was golden hour once again. How the hell did time move so fast on the island? “You’re distracting the camera with your face.”
“Oh, what is that I’m hearing? Do I hear the sounds of Scott Sabio admitting someone is more handsome than him?” Tori asked from the front of the posed group, the sparkling sun making her seem like she was glowing. Or maybe it was just what happiness looked like on her.
“Only when he’s brooding,” Scott clarified. “Look at him!”
And so Jay was granted the honor of the entire Bonifacio-Suarez wedding party turning to study his face. Which immediately made him flash his most charming smile and give them a little wave. Jay was not a brooder. Not at all.
“I don’t know,” Ava mused as she leaned her head back against Scott’s chest. “I think if anyone looks good while brooding—”
“Aw, thank you for the vote of confidence, babe,” Scott cooed, kissing the top of her head—only to make a face because what he tasted was all hair spray.
“Well, actually I was going to say it was Mon.” Ava indicated their much taller, larger friend whose naturally neutral face gave way to the possibility that he was the more handsome brooder. But because he was in a good mood, Mon instead made a stellar display of his adorable dimples, while his girlfriend Olivia Angeles told him to smile and keep looking cute.
But Ava’s declaration had its immediate effect, and it sent the rest of the wedding party into a flurry of circular arguments, ungkatan ng past and lightly sprinkled insults that Jay had learned was common in big groups like this.
Oddly enough, after the photographer yelled, “Okay, candid!” all of them looked absolutely fake as they opened their mouths pretending to laugh. It was fun, though, he had to admit, and it got him totally distracted.
“Hey, did your job ever get back to you about relocating?” Scott said suddenly. “I have a couple of friends who could help you find a place, something closer to Wan Chai.”
“I’m negotiating the relocation package,” Jay explained, recalling the video call he had just before they left for the airport. “They weren’t too excited when I asked for a higher raise to move to a more expensive country, since I’m essentially doing the same job.”
Scott winced. “That’s going to be rough. But whatever you decide, let us know, ha?”
“Scott, I already told you, an annual pass to Disneyland is nontransferable, and I haven’t renewed mine since I moved back here.”
“I know that!” Scott frowned at him, and it was hard not to see the belligerent high school kid that Jay had known. “But what about your emotional feelings journey with Mara?”
“Who put you up to asking me about Mara?” Now it was Jay’s turn to pout.
“Mo—me,” Scott said, after throwing a sideways glance at Mon, which revealed that the man was doing a terrible job at pretending he wasn’t eavesdropping. “It was all me. We just think you guys are cute together. We saw you hanging out at the wedding.”
“I thought you both thought she was scary,” Jay argued.
“Youthought she was scary,” Scott reminded him, shaking his head. “But that’s a standard part of the trope.” At Jay’s confusion, Scott shrugged. “Like I said, ‘here na me, you not yet.’ I get it.”
“I don’t know.” Jay’s shoulders sagged. “I still don’t feel like I can give her what she wants.”
