They both laughed about it, later that afternoon when Mara needed a break from the flowers, and after they managed to clear a path from the bed to the door. Jay had needed to run out of the room a few more times—once to taste test the food (amazing), one time to assure Luna that she was the prettiest flower girl he had ever seen, and onemoretime to grab Mara’s glasses from her hotel room. It was getting dark, and the hotel’s moody villa lighting wasn’t helping her.
“Let’s take a walk,” he proposed.
“But—” she protested, pointing to her small pile of arrangements. She just finished speaking to Kal of Tropikal Flower, and he agreed to step in and take over the contract. What Mara needed to do, and she was currently rushing through, was create the smaller arrangements using the buckets of loose flowers scattered around her.
Aside from Alex’s bouquet—which she thankfully took with her—Mara made a bouquet for Tori (with bright red gerberas in the center, a symbol of lasting love), a little basket for Luna full of purple flowers (no red for her, just so she feels a little more special), and boutonnieres for Jay and Ava, at the request of Tori. She still had a lot of flowers left over and was contemplating making Luna a flower crown when he decided she needed a little break.
“Oh wow, the people areout,” Mara said as she followed Jay to the beach. It was sunset at golden hour, the island’s most magical time of day. So magical that it lured Filipinos from their hiding spots from the sun, just to bid it good-night.
The sky was a mix of pale yellow and steely gray, the waters reflecting a dull teal in the fading light. The shore had receded far enough that people still swimming looked like dots on a horizon, paraw boats and their blue sails even farther chasing the last of the sunset. Most of the sand they were walking on was wet and firm, but Mara suddenly grabbed his arm the closer they got to the shore as her feet sunk in fully.
“I can hold your sandals if you want to take them off. Least I could do.”
“One of many things you owe me.” Mara chuckled, using his arm as an anchor to keep her steady as she took off her sandals and handed them to him. She grinned as her toes sunk fully into the sand. He looped the straps of her sandals in his fingers and held a hand out for her, the two of them making their way toward the water to join the beachgoers’ pilgrimage.
“So,” Jay started, “Alex.”
“Yeah, Alex.” Mara’s face brightened. “I had no idea she was getting married. Which is what I get for not keeping up with people, I guess.”
“People get busy,” Jay defended her. Friends came and went all the time.
“That’s true. I used to think they just didn’t like me enough to stay friends with me. But nowadays, I just kind of accept that it is the way it is. People come into your life and sometimes aren’t meant to stay. The wrong thing would be to refuse them when they come back.”
“When they show up on your fast craft?” Jay asked hopefully. They knew they needed to talk about it, meeting each other. About the last time they spoke to each other, and what it meant that they were here now, on the beach together.
“Crystal kayak for the couple, sir? Sunset paraw sailing?” one of the locals offered. They shook their heads no politely. Eventually they reached a spot just far enough from the crowds, but still a good enough place to view the sunset. Mara breathed a sigh, and it sounded like deep, sweet relief. Or maybe like walls breaking down. “I was angry with you,” she admitted, eyes focused on what was in front of them. But Jay couldn’t look away from her cheeks, at the light that bounced off the tops of them, at the press of her lips as she formed her words. “After you kissed me. I thought I was angry that you just proved that I was undesirable, because I am apparently immune to your kiss thing—”
“Mara.” How fucking untrue that was. How utterly impossible.
“But,” Mara said before sighing so deeply that Jay wished he could smooth the creased lines on her brow with his thumb. He settled for squeezing her hand instead. Reminding her that he was here, that he would listen. “I realize I was more upset that you rejected me.”Oof. “That you kissed me hoping I would go away, and off to someone else’s arms.”
A chill went through Jay’s body, as guilt sank in his stomach. He’d been so concerned about making her feel reassured, feel good—and even that he’d spectacularly failed —that he ended up making her feel worse. Could heeverdo anything right by Mara?
“Please don’t apologize,” Mara said. Like she could tell exactly what he was thinking. “You asked me why I was angry with you, and that’s why.”
“Are you still?” Jay asked, hope in his voice, small and yet so present.
Someone once told him that hope was not a measurable thing. It was there or it wasn’t. And just the presence of that bit of hope—like a bright sun in a darkening sky—was what drew people to the beach, couples to the shoreline, families to sit and play together. A person proposing to their person. And tomorrow, his friends promising each other forever, in a country that wouldn’t let them put it on paper.
“No,” Mara admitted, and the hope in his chest warmed him all the way to his toes. “I’m not angry. But I am tired.Sotired of love, and I haven’t had anything to do with it yet.”
Now it was Jay’s turn to frown. How could she even think that? Mara, whose eyes shone when she watched her sister dance with her new husband. Mara, who made up the conditions for her to fall in love, without having any notion of it. Mara, who jumped into a job because someone needed her. Who deserved so much more love than Jay could give.
“Selena Guerro is my ex,” he announced. Mara’s unchanged expression told him that she probably already knew that about him.
“Weird flex,” she still said. Having the most familiar face on every billboard from Monumento to Pasay was no great feat in their circles. Not when Mon was dating an actress recently nominated for a SAG Award. But Selena’s name was everywhere, even for those who didn’t want to see it. “What kind of ex was she?”
Jay knew Selena before she became a household name. She was fun, liked to laugh and liked to dance. They were together for five years, when he just started working in Makati.
“The I-thought-I-was-going-to-marry-her kind of ex.” He laughed now, but he’d been completely serious about it at the time. That she was the one, that his life would revolve around proving to her that he was worthy of her love. It was only a matter of funds. Of time.
After the breakup, the ring fund quickly became “Jay’s Future Inaanak Fund,” which wasn’t due for maturity until Luna started grade school.
“The start of the pandemic changed things way too quick for everyone,” Jay continued. Some more than others, obviously, but this was just part of the story. “And the more protocols were placed, the more important other things became, and one day she called and said she didn’t miss me. That she loved someone else.”
“Ah, so she made that post.” Mara wrinkled her nose. “The hard launch of the boyfriend that went viral.”
Jay winced, because he realized the irony of that. Selena hadn’t exactly tagged him, but she didn’t keep him a secret, either. And in a post that first featured her with her new partner, she said all the things she hadn’t told him—that she was sorry, that she loved growing with him, but they had to grow apart now.
