Jay had nearly fallen over when he caught her. Hadn’t expected the weight of her body. But that hadn’t embarrassed her or made her feel bad at all. What angered her (whatembarrassedher, now that she was thinking about it) was that she thought that he was going to kiss her. Her lips pursed, her neck craned and her skin felt like it was on fire, so sure that Jay Montinola was going to kiss her.
But after David, and all her silly delusions, she had to shut it down. It did people no good to believe in things that had no basis in reality. Instead it was better to just make it happen yourself.
She was thirty-three, for fuck’s sake. Enough of waiting for things to happen to her. Results would only happen if she did the legwork. Just like quitting her job, just like opening Wildflower. Who needed to wink-wink, nudge-nudge at the universe when you could just tell someone, “Hello, I would really like for you to kiss me.”
So more a shove than a little nudge, but it would do.
“And now, for their first dance, David, Marina, can you please come up?”
Mara heard the whir of the fog machine as David helped Marina up from their seats in the center of the room. Music started to play, and the lights were on her sister and her new husband. He held her in his arms like she was the most precious thing his hands could ever touch and swept her across the room.
They had rehearsed this dance. Mara had already seen it in the practice room, in the family living room and at the rehearsal dinner just the night before. But tonight, with the lights, and the fog, and the fact that professional theater actors were singing their hearts out especially for the couple, it was…a lot. David tucked a flower in Marina’s hair and ended up simply…holding her. They were smiling at each other with their eyes locked, hands clasped together, andgod. God, it was so lovely.
“They’re so beautiful together,” Mabel whispered beside Mara. They were. And as happy as Mara was for them, a deep, dark pit inside her screamed of jealousy and desire. Called her selfish for wanting that for herself. Because, god, Mara wanted it for herself. She wanted to be loved and experience the relationship Marina and David had, where he could finish her sentences and she never had to explain to him what he meant, because he knew her, and understood her.
Could Jay “I Don’t Do Relationships” Montinola do that?
She inhaled sharply and stood up, explaining to her mesmerized family that she needed to go to the bathroom. But what Mara needed was space. Distance, and space. Room to just breathe, and watch, and feel every rush of emotion that roiled inside her. She was so happy for them. So, so happy for them.
But she was sad, too, because the thing she could never admit to herself was the fear that maybe she couldn’t have…this. That her walls were too high, she was too fat, too high maintenance, too shrill, too…everything. And while she knew all the reasons why marriage was “a rock that you constantly bang against your own head,” deep down she still wanted it. And might never, ever be even a little bit close to having it.
“Mara?” a voice asked. Suddenly, Jay was beside her, his eyes brimming with concern as he gently touched her bare arm. “You’re tearing up.”
So she was. The tears in her eyes were hot, but they dared not to fall. Mara chuckled and pressed the back of her hand to her tear ducts, preserving her makeup, preserving her falsies! Oh god.
“Are you okay?”
Looking at Jay, Mara made a choice. It wasn’t that she was desperate. It was just that, in the face of everything she would need to do to have what her sister had (lowering boundaries, meeting new people, being vulnerable, all the things that she didn’t enjoy), it was easier to kiss a stranger. Easier still to kiss someone she had wanted to kiss a mere two hours ago.
Did she believe in the curse? That was like asking a Filipino how they could reconcile their Catholic faith, modern medicine and albularyo healing. She believed it like she believed in jumping when the clock struck midnight on New Year’s. She believed it like the time she, Mabel and Marina giggled and stuffed twelve grapes into their mouth after jumping around because they wanted boyfriends.
Sure, why not. It never hurt to believe, and it didn’t hurt to try. At the very least, Mara was determined to give it a try.
“Can I ride with you, back to Manila?” Mara asked. “If you’re heading back, that is.”
“Of course.” Jay nodded. “I’m all yours.”
SEVEN
Obviously, they didn’t leave the reception right at that exact moment. There were programs to go through, and a couple trivia games to win. Mon scored a gift card to a Japanese restaurant because he happened to know that David was an Aries and Marina an Aquarius, amazing. The bride and groom also decided to forego the traditional garter and bouquet toss. Jay was a higher jumper than most and would have caught the garter without trying. Which meant he would maybe have to slide a garter up a stranger’s leg, which was fine, but in public? Too weird. Whatwasa garter anyway?
But the night continued, and like most Filipino celebrations, ended at a party. The DJ played “Y.M.C.A.,” “Bongga Ka Day” and Sarah Geronimo’s “Tala” in rapid succession, several representatives from every generation and friend group enthusiastically participating. There was always that one family member who ended up being the impromptu dance instructor for everyone. And that person happened to be David, who could take crowds through simple dance steps, with enthusiasm and gusto. He even pulled Jay in, the both of them more than game, because it was always easy to say yes to David.
“Great dancing, as always.” David winked at Jay at some point.
“Once a street dance captain, always a street dance captain,” Jay said, winking back at his cocaptain.
They hadn’t even reopened the bar yet at that point, and already Jay had ended up swing dancing with Tita Claudine to “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” and “September.” And he was going to remember that for a long time, because she’d winked at him and said something very complimentary about his “loose hips.”
“Your friend,” Mara said suddenly, appearing beside him at some point to hand him a bottle of cold craft beer. She was a little breathless—he had seen her dancing with her sisters and singing TLC’s “No Scrubs” word-perfect a few songs ago. They looked across the ballroom, where Scott had somehow acquired a couple of glow sticks and was now dancing to Beyoncé’s “Cuff It” along with all the titas doing the LA Walk. He was more than a little stiff, but you got the impression that he was doing it on purpose to be funny. To be fair, it really was. Jay took a video to send to Ava. “He’s quite the dancer.”
“Give him a whistle, he’ll really go wild.” Jay laughed, taking off his jacket and placing it across his lap. The cool weather and the open windows of the venue really made for perfect after-party dancing. He took a deep sip of his beer, which was also perfect. “Cheers?”
“Cheers.” Mara smiled, clinking the top of her beer bottle with his before she took a sip. “God, my back is giving up. I am so going to need an Alaxan later. I just turned thirty-three last week!”
“I was due to drink maintenance meds an hour ago,” he said, holding up his smartwatch for her to check the alert. “Welcome to your midthirties.”
“Oh no.” She laughed, shaking her head, because Jay’s alarm was pretty peeved that he hadn’t listened. It was fine, he could drink before bed. “Are you—”
