Then shereallystarted to talk. She told Tita Ria about Santi arguing with Vito about the employee loans, which led to Santi losing his job, about them meeting in Lipa, and his choice to go back. She told her about the two of them choosing to work together on Gemini, how Vito had taken it away after he met Kira at the lobby of Villa. She told her how unfair the family was, how hurt Santi was, how Kira was sofrustratedabout all of it.
“Tita,” Kira said slowly. “I just don’t understand why staying is even an option for him.”
Tita Ria scoffed. “It sounds easy, no? Like, the answers are obvious. But when you’re drowning, you think it’s okay. Ganyan talaga, kasi family. It’s hard to accept that the people who were supposed to love you can’t do it the way you need it. Especially when there’s someone who shows you how much better it is to be loved well. Just love him well, Kira. It means more to him than you realize.”
Kira looked down at her bowl of corn. The ice was already melting. She turned her head and had a clear view of the beach from here, and Santi glaring resolutely at the sand like he could count every single grain there. She inhaled deeply, using the ocean breath she’d learned in yoga class to anchor her. Then she slowly released it.
“I know we just met,” Tita Ria pointed out. “But you’ve done more to care for Anton than any of the family has in years. You’ll figure it out together.”
Kira looked out of the window, where they could both see Anton walking back and forth on the shore. There was nothing more she could do but to go upstairs and wait for him.
He had been right about the room, though. The room assigned to them was nice. The bed was soft and comfortable, the vanity mirror so Instagram-worthy she would have taken pics of herself if she wasn’t so down, the rug so soft she could have slept on it if the bed wasn’t already soft. There was a baul at the end of the bed that had a mother of pearl inlay, stuffed with more pillows and sheets, and photos on the walls. Most of them were of the halcyon beach days Santi mentioned, him and Miro always in beach shorts and big grins, Tita Ria with her sibling, and an old picture of the Santillan family with Santi’s grandmother.
What happened to the family?she wondered. Money? Greed? It was difficult to tell. The pain was too old, too deep and too difficult to untangle without tugging hard.
Suddenly the room felt a little suffocating. Kira much preferred the balcony that faced the beach. There was a rattan lounger on the balcony on top of a banig from Samar, a woven blanket from Ilocos in a deep, midnight blue draped over the back for cooler nights. Kira felt like she could breathe with the ocean out here. So she did, staring out at the ocean, feeling her mind wander, her guilt settle, her heart ache.
As the sun set in the horizon, and her anger simmered, she knew she was being ridiculous. She needed to talk to Santi, sort this out, and...
“Kira.” Santi’s voice filled the room as he walked in. “I have food.”
She looked up just in time to see him place a tray on the little round table beside the lounge.
As peace offerings go, Kira had to admit, it wasverytempting. Santi offered her a buttered sourdough sandwich of some kind, stuffed with kesong puti and Vigan longganisa, a bowl of sliced fresh melon, buko juice and a bowl of cassava chips.
“Thank you,” she said in a small voice as Santi sat in front of her. Kira took the sandwich and took a bite, and after a whole day of packaged snacks, it was extra delicious. “How was the beach?”
“Illuminating,” Santi said, accompanied by a deep, weary sigh that made her heart wrench. “We should talk. I have half an idea to save Gemini. I have to make a few calls, Chloe doesn’t really get up until past noon, but she’ll listen, at least, and—”
“Santi,” Kira said gently, taking his hands. “We can figure it out when we get back to Lipa. But I think we should talk about whatyouwant first.” She took in a deep breath, bracing herself for his answer. Whatever it was going to be.
“What do you want?”
His face softened then, a small smile finally slowly spreading on his lips as he looked at her. He squeezed her hands, and it was like he was himself again, with that smile she was now all too familiar with.
“This,” he told her. “I want this, with you. I want to stay in Lipa and make a life there. I want Vigan longganisa and kesong puti by the beach, all the chocolate tartufo and the coffee with our friends. I’m happy to be here.”
“Okay.” Kira nodded, and nope, nope, she was not going to start crying again. “What about Vito? I think he’s not going to give up on you so easily.”
“He won’t,” Santi agreed. He looked back at the room for a second. “But he has nothing over me. I have to figure out how I’m going to do this, how I’m going to mentally reconcile the fact that my family doesn’t know how to love me. But I won’t be alone.”
“You won’t.” She nodded, although her words were slightly muffled by the sandwich. Who was Tita Ria’s longganisa supplier? Her mom wouldlovethis. “I just... I hate seeing you like this. And I hate that I can’t do more.”
“This is plenty,” he assured her. “This is more than anyone has ever done for me.”
“Did you talk to your Tita?” Kira asked.
“Yes.” He nodded. “She’s still hurting, after all these years. She’s got a completely different life, but bringing up our family still hurts for her. I can’t help but be terrified of being like her, alone in a big house by myself.”
“Until twenty years later your nephew and his girlfriend walk in,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. He chuckled. Success! “But she’s not alone, Santi. She has her husband, her work. It’s not a bad thing, to make the healthier choice.”
He nodded. Maybe he wasn’t quite there yet. But it was going to be okay. She believed it would be.
“You helped me so much with Gemini, and I want to help you with this, too,” she said, when she finished the sandwich. “Let me help you.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Santi told her. “This isn’t easy, or light. You think you’re hurting now, but it can get much, much worse, still. My family isn’t going to make it easy to be with me. I don’t even know why.”
“Because you’re a prize,” she chuckled, and he gave her a look that said he appreciated the compliment, but it really wasn’t the time. “You are, though. You’re wonderful.”
