Besides, it would give me something to look forward to.
39
Lila
Spring break ended, and we dove into the latter half of the semester with renewed energy. The weather was warming up, and the Smokey Mountain State University campus bloomed with fresh flowers and lush green grass. Students lounged on that grass between classes, sunbathing or studying in small groups.
And as time went on, I began to think about the future.
Jace and I had originally tried to wait until May to start dating. At the time, that had felt like an eternity away. But now we were almost there and we had already been together—whateverthatmeant—for two months.
Things were more complicated now. Obviously, I had Brock and Cam to consider. I hadn’t talked to either of them about the future, and if we would continue doing this. I had no idea how they felt.
Or how I felt, for that matter.
I thought I wanted to keep seeing them. To maybe go onactualdates rather than sneaking around and hooking up at my place. Getting dinner at a nice restaurant and then seeing a movie sounded so wonderfully quaint, the thing I had beencraving all year. But there was one big question that loomed over everything.
Would we still want to?
I was self-aware enough to realize that one big draw in all of this was the forbidden nature. Sneaking around and keeping our relationships a secret wasfun. It added a thrilling layer of danger to everything we did.
When the semester was over, would we lose that spark that made this fun?
I hoped not. I cared about these three men deeply, and saw the potential for a long-term relationship there. More with Jace and Brock, since Cam and I had a problematic age gap, but still. The important takeaway was that these weren’t just flings. Every time I hooked up with one of them, that certainty grew more solid in my mind.
But still, I worried. They might not feel the same way. I was terrified that once I was just Lila to them, instead of Professor Carrington, the raw chemistry we had would fizzle out.
That fear lingered in the back of my mind into April.
“It’s crazy how fast the semester has gone by,” Brock said at the bar one night. Despite being a Friday, there were only a few customers at the bar.
“No kidding. The fall semester dragged, but this one is flying. I feel like if I blink, final exams will be here.”
Brock leaned on the bar and cocked his head. “Something about time flying when you’re having fun?”
I smiled up at him. “That’s probably part of the reason.”
“Only part?”
“One third of the reason,” I clarified.
He knew what I meant, and smirked. “True. Have we talked about what your summer plans are?”
“I’m teaching two classes.”
“Which two?”
“Criminology 101 is the first one. But the other is a 400-level class that Professor Galloway pawned off on me. I’m actually really excited to teach an upper-level class!”
“Damn. I was hoping to have you for one of my classes this summer.”
“You’ll have to earn your A the old fashioned way,” I teased, glancing around to make sure nobody could overhear us and get the wrong idea. “I didn’t realize you were staying this summer.”
“Yeah, I’ve got a full class load. Eighteen credits. I’m already way too old to be here, so I’m kind of playing catch-up to try to graduate early.”
“I don’t blame you,” I said, but on the inside I was smiling. We hadn’t discussed it before now, and I was surprisingly relieved to learn that Brock would be around this summer.
“I’m trying to convince Jace to sign up for some of my classes,” Brock continued while idly cleaning a pint glass with a rag. “He’s been a good study partner this semester.”
