One night, I tell myself.Tomorrow I'll get answers.
But beneath the fury and exhaustion, awareness pulses. The way he looked at me, the way my body went on high alert, twelve years dissolved in his presence.
College Cole broke my heart "for my own good."
This Cole looks at me like he never left. Like leaving was something that happened to his body but not his mind.
And I don't know what to do with that.
Tomorrow I'll get answers. Tomorrow I'll make him leave.
Tonight I lay here and pretend my hands are shaking from anger.
Just anger. Nothing else.
At 2:45, I hear a motorcycle engine moving away. I get up and check the downstairs locks again. All secure. Through the front window, I see Cole's motorcycle has been replaced with an SUV, and I can make out the outline of him sitting in the front seat.
The gate. He knew about the gate.
How?
The question chases itself around my skull, wearing grooves into my exhaustion. The only explanation is surveillance. Cameras, maybe. Research, definitely.
But underneath the terror is relief. Someone's been paying attention, and my daughter is still breathing, still safe, still clutching her bear with the innocence of a child who doesn't know her mother is falling apart three doors down.
Stop it. Stop rationalizing. Stop making excuses for him.
I return to bed and check my phone. 3:17 AM. I have court at 9:00. The DeLuca preliminary hearing. Evidence review at 8:30.
Sleep. I need to sleep.
The ceiling offers no answers.
I check my phone again and it's 5:47 AM.Did I actually sleep?
The sky is lightening outside. Gray, then pink, then the pale gold of a May morning. San Francisco waking up.
I haven't slept.
Every muscle aches from tension I couldn't release, and my eyes burn like I've been staring into headlights for hours.
And sometime during the night something shifted.
I can't protect her alone. Not against something I don't understand. Being the only barrier between my daughter anddanger has been crushing me for eight years, and I've been crushed before, and I won't survive it again.
You don't have to decide anything yet. Just... don't send him away. Not until you know more.
The SUV is still there when I check. Still dark. Still watching.
He stayed.
The whole night, he stayed.
I pull the curtains closed and go start the coffee.
four
Angelina
