Even if it kills me.
I'm still sitting there when the front door opens again. Natalie steps inside, her arms wrapped around herself, her face streaked with tears she's tried to wipe away.
"I'm not leaving," she says quietly. "I don't have anywhere to go, and even if I did, I wouldn't run from this. From us. That's what Kevin would expect me to do, and I'm done letting him dictate my choices."
"Natalie..."
"But I need you to understand something." She crosses to stand in front of me, looking down at where I'm slumped in the chair. "I can handle your fear. I can handle your damage. I can handle the nightmares and the walls and the moments when you forget how to be vulnerable. What I cannot handle is being treated like a burden you're trying to figure out how to put down gently."
"You're not a burden."
"Then stop acting like I am." She crouches down so we're eye level. "I know you're scared. I know you've lost people. But I'm not one of your soldiers, Cade. I'm not asking you to save me. I'm asking you to love me. Those are two different things."
The truth of it settles into my chest like a weight I didn't know I was carrying.
She's right. Again. About all of it.
I've been so focused on protecting her, on keeping her safe, on not failing her the way I failed everyone else, that I forgot the most important part. She doesn't need a guardian. She needs a partner. Someone who stands beside her, not in front of her.
"I'm sorry." The words feel inadequate, but they're all I have. "I'm so sorry. I got scared and I handled it badly and I hurt you, and none of that is okay."
"No. It's not."
"I don't want to slow down." I take her hands in mine. They're cold from being outside, and I warm them between my palms. "I don't want distance. I want you, Natalie. All of you. Every broken piece and every sharp edge and everything you think makes you damaged."
"Then act like it." Her voice is still hard, but I can see her softening. "Show me. Don't just tell me what you think I want to hear."
"What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to stop trying to protect me from yourself." She squeezes my hands. "I'm not afraid of your darkness, Cade. I've lived with real darkness. Yours doesn't scare me. What scares me is the thought that you might use it as an excuse to push me away."
"I won't." I pull her forward until she's standing between my knees, until I can wrap my arms around her waist and press my face against her stomach. "I won't, Natalie. I promise."
Her hands find my hair, stroking gently. "We're going to fight sometimes. We're going to say things we don't mean. That's what happens when two broken people try to build something together. But we don't walk away. We don't give up. Deal?"
"Deal."
I hold her for a long time. The cabin is quiet around us, the dogs settled, the night pressing against the windows. When she finally pulls back, her eyes are red but her expression is resolute.
"Come back to bed," she says.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure." She tugs me to my feet. "But Cade? If you ever try to noble sacrifice our relationship again, I'm letting Vivian handle you. And she's pregnant and hormonal and absolutely terrifying."
Despite everything, I laugh. "Noted."
We climb back into bed together, but this time she curls around me instead of the other way around. Her body is warm against my back, her arm draped over my chest, her breath soft against my neck.
"Sleep," she murmurs. "We'll figure out the rest tomorrow."
I close my eyes and let the rhythm of her heartbeat carry me under.
The nightmare doesn't come back.
CHAPTER EIGHT
NATALIE
