Back at the cabin, Cade builds a fire while I curl up on the couch with Luna in my lap. The domesticity of it aches in my chest. A man and a woman and a dog, evening falling soft around them. It looks like a life I gave up hoping for.
"You hungry?" Cade asks from the kitchen.
"Not really." My stomach is too knotted for food. "Maybe just tea?"
He brings me chamomile without being asked. Remembers that I like honey but no cream. Sets it on the side table and settles into the armchair across from me instead of sitting beside me on the couch.
Still giving me space. Still letting me set the pace.
"Can I ask you something?" The words are out before I can stop them.
"Anything."
"The almost... in the greenhouse. Before the radio." I force myself to meet his eyes. "What would have happened if we hadn't been interrupted?"
His jaw tightens. The firelight catches the strong line of his throat as he swallows.
"I would have kissed you." No hesitation. No equivocation. "And then I would have apologized, because you deserve betterthan a broken down medic who still wakes up screaming from nightmares."
"You have nightmares?"
"Most nights." He stares into the fire. "I see their faces. The ones I couldn't save. I feel their blood on my hands." His voice drops. "I wake up thinking I'm still over there, still failing, still watching kids younger than my nephew die in the dirt."
The raw honesty of it takes my breath away. Kevin never admitted weakness. Never showed vulnerability. He was always in control, always right, always perfect.
Cade is none of those things. Cade is scarred and haunted and struggling. And somehow that makes him more real than anyone I've ever known.
I set down my tea. Stand up, dislodging Luna from my lap. Cross the small distance between the couch and his chair.
He looks up at me, firelight dancing in his brown eyes. "Natalie."
"You asked what would have happened." I'm standing right in front of him now, close enough to touch. "Maybe we should find out."
"You don't have to do this." His voice is strained. "I'm not expecting anything from you."
"I know." I reach out, my fingers trembling slightly, and touch his jaw. The beard is softer than I expected, his skin warm beneath it. "That's why I want to."
He's still for a long moment. I can see the war in his eyes, the part of him that wants to protect me from himself fighting with the part that wants this as badly as I do. Then his hand comes up to cover mine, pressing my palm more firmly against his face. His eyes fall closed, and he turns his head just enough to brush his lips across my wrist.
The touch is barely there. A whisper. A question. I answer it by leaning down. The first brush of my lips against his is soft.Testing. We're both holding our breath, both waiting for the other to pull away. Neither of us does.
Cade's hand slides into my hair, cradling the back of my head, and he pulls me down into his lap. I go willingly, my knees bracketing his thighs in the armchair, my hands gripping his shoulders for balance.
The second kiss is deeper. His mouth opens under mine and I taste chamomile and honey and something sweeter I can’t place. His other hand finds my hip, steadying me, his grip firm but careful. Always careful. Even now, with heat building between us, he's treating me like I'm precious.
I pull back just enough to breathe. His eyes are dark, his chest heaving under my palms.
"Okay?" he asks, voice wrecked.
"More than okay."
He kisses me again, and this time there's nothing tentative about it. His tongue sweeps against mine, claiming, tasting, and I melt into him like I was made to fit there. His hands are everywhere, mapping my back, my waist, the curve of my hip, learning me through borrowed clothes.
I run my fingers through his hair. It's thick and soft and he groans when I scrape my nails against his scalp. The sound vibrates through me, settling low in my belly.
"Natalie." He pulls back, breathing hard. "We should stop."
"Do you want to stop?"
