Keeran’s the only one who acts remotely normal around me. She understands what happened. That night she leaned over the edge of her bed, her hair dangling as she said, “I wish you would’ve told me. We had a deal!” before throwing her pillow down onto my face from her top bunk.
Damon, the traitor, I refuse to talk to which makes food service awkward. I jot down any requests in my notebook and slide it over to him. Yeah, it’s childish as fuck, but I honestly don’t care.
Aidan’s been giving me puppy dog eyes the whole time but never says anything. Not that I want to talk to him right now. The only person I want to talk to won’t answer the goddamn phone.
So, I’m brooding.
I’ve cocooned myself in a giant hoodie, tucked into the corner of the booth in the crew mess. It’s not the best place to stew in my feelings, but my bed has become a harsh reminder of Anson and I can’t deal with that right now.
I miss him. So much.
How is it that I miss someone I’ve known for just over two weeks?
Tiff tells me to move on, but she doesn’t understand the raw connection we have. I don’t think I could ever move on from him. He’s buried himself in my goddamn heart.
Tears prick my eyes and I fight to keep myself under control.
“How you holdin’ up, honey?” I wipe away the traitorous tears with the sleeve of my hoodie before glancing up. Joe fiddles around in a cabinet, no doubt searching for M&M’s—the man’s addicted.
I made the mistake of not ordering enough for him last year and he gave me dirty looks the whole time. He’s a sweetheart though and was only giving me a hard time.
“I’m fine,” I say, sniffling.
He glances over his shoulder, his bald head reflecting the overhead light with the movement. He doesn’t look convinced in the slightest.
“I’ve seen that look many times. Felt it too.” The cabinet door swings shut with a soft thud as Joe sits on the bench across from me tossing back his candy. “What’s on your mind?”
Joe’s a sweet old man and reminds me of my dad in a way. He’s quiet and hardworking but is a big ole softy.
After Anson left, Garrett called all the crew for a meeting to explain the situation. He didn’t go into great detail, but there aren’t many other people Anson could’ve had aninappropriate relationshipwith, so it didn’t take a genius to put the pieces together.
I felt everyone’s eyes swivel to me, see them judging me, but not Joe. His eyes were soft and comforting. Understanding. He was there for me when my heart was hurting from losing my dad and today is no different. The heartache may not be the same, each with its own unique pain, but heartache is heartache.
“I guess the question should be whatisn’ton my mind,” I whisper. My hands cover my face as I breathe deeply, pushing down any outward sign of emotion. When they slide away, Joe smiles at me.
“One of those, huh?” he asks, his voice gentle. “I know that all too well.”
Emotion lays heavy in my throat making it impossible to respond. My throat works convulsively, attempting to rid myself of this feeling, but nothing helps.
Joe looks at me as if he wants to wrap his arms around me in a warm hug. The only person I want to hold me right now is Anson.
Hurt and longing flow through me in waves, the dam of tears in my eyes spilling over and gliding down my cheeks.
“You know,” he starts, tossing back the last of his candies, “sometimes we push away the things that matter most to us. It’s not right, or logical, but it’s what we do when we think someone is better off without us.” I sniffle and wipe tears away that just keep coming. Joe sighs, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Give him time. If he’s anything like me, he’ll come around.”
He stands, reaching over and giving my shoulder a quick pat. “You’re good for him, I can tell." He turns to leave but looks back at me with one foot on the stairs. “You remind me of my Vera,” he says softly, before turning and walking back up the steps.
***
It’s finally over.
These last few days of the charter have been non-stop. We stopped at various ports on the way back to Fort Lauderdale, but the worst was the impromptu beach picnic.
Mark spotted a beach that he justhadto see. Which meant Damon raced to get food prepared and I about lost my mind trying to get all the materials for a picnic together.By myself. Keeran tried to help, but since she works on deck she didn’t know her way around the interior.
The new captain doesn’t help either.
Captain Rife is an older man who barely utters a word. He just looks at me with a disapproving look and never once bothered to help. He stood in the hallway outside the galley and watched me run around the main salon, a scowl on his face.
