His mouth lifts into an easy grin. “You ladies have fun.” Keeran gives him a thumbs up as Anson turns to the guys. “Be back on the boat after dinner.” With a wave, he turns and leaves without a glance back at me, and I’m hurt.
Part of me knows that we can’t let others know what we are to each other—whatever it isweare. There’s too much at stake for us to act on our feelings in public, but it doesn’t dull the pain it brings me. Maybe I’m too invested in this.
Or he’s not invested enough.
That sobering thought follows me to dinner. Everyone’s laughing and having a good time, but I’m stewing in my feelings.
Aidan pays for a round of tequila shots and I all too willingly throw it back. It doesn’t matter that I’ve had enough alcohol, I’ll do anything to dull the ache in my chest. I’m so desensitized to the alcohol at this point that I don’t even feel the burn of it as it slides down my throat.
When dinner is over, we load into the vans and head back to the boat. Keeran and Robbie walk arm-in-arm and I’m full of jealousy at how easy it is for them. There’s no rule saying they can’t be a couple or sleep together. They don’t have to sneak around or hide from everyone. They know exactly where they stand with one another while Anson and I are in limbo.
Keeran turns and holds her hand out to me. “C’mon, Hannah. Walk with us.”
Garrett, who has been walking beside me, grabs my arm to steady me as I lose my balance in my heels. I changed into a slinky dress and heels for dinner and now I’m regretting it, just like I always do on nights when I go out and drink too much.
Carefully, I quicken my steps to catch up with them, reaching for her outstretched hand. She pulls me close, resting her head on my shoulder as we walk.
“Robbie and I are going into a guest cabin tonight,” she whispers into my ear, her voice full of anticipation.
“I amnotcleaning up after you two,” I snort. I’m all for her getting some dick tonight, but there’s no way in hell that I want to be the one to strip the sheets.
She playfully nudges my shoulder as she barks out a laugh. “You don’t have to worry. I’ll clean the entire room and throw everything in the wash before you have to even ask.”
When we reach the gangway, I remove my shoes and clutch Aidan and Damon’s shoulders for dear life. It’d be just my luck to drunkenly fall into the water and that’s something I wish to avoid.
Keeran and I hold each other’s hands as we carefully take the steep steps down to the crew quarters, scared that we’ll slip and fall making Aidan roll his eyes as he follows after us. She stops in our room briefly before joining Robbie with an excited hop to her step leaving me all alone.
For someone who has had a lot of alcohol—and I mean a lot—I’m surprised that I’m able to get into my oversized sleep shirt without falling over. With one last stop in the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, I fall into my bed, which suddenly feels too big without Anson beside me.
I miss him.
All I wanted to do today was spend all day with him but couldn’t. To lay in the sun together, flirt under the shade of the palm trees, and share drinks and laughter at the bar. But we couldn’t.
Instead, he spent time bonding with the guys while I spent it trying to forget his touch.
Henry does little to comfort me as I hug him close to my chest and pray my eyes slide shut. But they don’t. All I can think about is Robbie and Keeran and how they have each other, while I’m left with my Squishmallow pinning for my captain.
I’ve had enough of stewing in my head for one day.
With a flourish, I rip the sheets from my body and stealthily ease my way into the hallway. Part of me feels like one of those old cartoons with the bad guys tip-toeing through corridors dramatically, but that’s what I’m doing. The thought has me stifling a giggle.
The crew mess is all clear and a little pang of excitement zings through my body.
Holy shit this is going to work.
As gracefully as possible in my drunken state, I gently ease my way up the steps to the main salon. My fists are white as I hold on to the railing for dear life because it would be just my luck to slip and tumble down the steep steps.
All hope is dashed the second I turn the corner at the top of the steps. Voices. Lots of male voices are coming from the bar.
Of course, the guys would still be drinking. It’s our only day off, so everyone’s taking complete advantage while we can. We’ve got to let off steam in one way or another and I know for a fact they aren’t getting laid.
Well, except for Robbie.
As I see it, I have two options. I can try to run for the galley and up the steps to Anson’s room, or I could call the whole thing off. I’ve already made it this far, might as well make a run for it.
Doing my best Captain Jack Sparrow impersonation, I dodge through the hallway and across to the galley, feet slapping lightly on the tile floor.
Oh my god, I’ve made it. I can’t believe I’m just as sneaky as that sexy bastard.
