Tanner spears some more cake on his fork. “I like that idea. Here.” He holds his fork out to me, that scorching look back in his eyes. Leaning forward, I slowly open my mouth and take the offered piece off his fork.
If he wants to be frisky, then I’ll play. Closing my eyes, I moan around the delectable bite and lick my lips. “Goddamn, sweetheart. You’re threatening to make me reach across this table and pull you into my lap.”
Call me crazy, but I think I might just let him.
Before he can follow through, and I truly believe he would, we’re interrupted by the owner, Stewart. “Have you picked a favorite?”
We share our choices with him and fill out an order form before walking out the doors.
Tanner leads me to the parking lot, his hand on the small of my back. “Let’s go home and get out of these clothes.”
***
Tanner isn't home. Again.
He’s been working later and later. Most mornings he leaves before my alarm goes off and doesn’t come home until I’m asleep. The time we normally have together is all but gone.
Don’t get me wrong, I love having time to myself, but there is such a thing as spending too much time by myself, and my mental health is starting to take a nosedive.
This has been going on for weeks now.
And I'm all alone.
I'm still having to deal with Chelsea at work and wedding planning, and I just want to talk with my fiancé, but he's nowhere. Gone.
I don't even bother waiting up for him anymore. I tried for the first week, laid on the couch watching late-night T.V. and crappy reruns. He would walk in, kiss my forehead, and go to bed. No stopping to talk about our day or ask how I'm doing.
A kiss and run.
By the tense set of his shoulders when I see him, I know something’s going on, either with us or with work. But I don't know what to think when he gets like this.
Is he having cold feet?
Memories flicker through my mind, all the reassurances he's given throughout our years together. Iknowthis man loves me. Iknowhe wants to be with me, but now I'm starting to question things.
Maybe we moved too fast. Too many things happening at once and it's throwing him off.
To some, being together for over two years before living together is moving at a snail’s pace. We've gotten engaged, moved in together, and started planning our wedding within months. Practically going from zero to warp speed.
It's been an adjustment, but nothing has hit me as hard as his absence. I've gotten used to hearing him move throughout the apartment, his comforting touch while we sleep, and the little moments when he shows his love. All of that is gone now, replaced by silence. It's taking its toll.
Tanner has wiggled under my skin, made me need him and now he's gone. Or at least, absent, but notgone, gone. Maybe I'm crowding him with questions or pressuring him into marrying me. Have I been putting too much on him? Part of me wants to shake myself out of frustration, because I know I haven't. He's stated time and time again how much he loves me and wants to marry me, so why do I doubt that?
It's happened before.
The past comes barreling into me, old boyfriends complaining and berating me. Blaming me for their feelings. For being overbearing and stiff. There was a time when I believed them, that I was the problem in the relationship and needed to change to be together.They’d disappear, ignore my message, go radio silent, and then make it like I was the one going crazy. ThatIwas the problem. So, when Tanner does this, it starts to mess with me.
But there’s definitely something going on with Tanner. It’s not some figment of my imagination or me reading into things.
He’s pulling away.
I hate that he does this. He gets so into his head about something but won’t share anything with me.
This has been a problem since the beginning of our relationship. He has a problem he wants to deal with on his own, but it leaves me feeling neglected. Hollow.
Everything seemed to be going great; the cake has been ordered, groomsmen have been fitted for tuxes, and the bridesmaids' dresses have been picked.
And yet…
