No one deserved that kind of treatment, but Evie least of all. I could imagine her as a child, carefree and bursting with jubilance, following her Nan around the apiary and saving baby barn kittens. I imagined her lying under an oak tree in that field of wildflowers, her sun-kissed, acorn hair fanned around her and her eyes wide with hope. But imagining her alone in that room after her parents' funeral had me boiling with rage for her. Somehow, despite everything, she'd retained so much of that meraki, and a sudden rush of intense admiration mixed with the fury, sizzling and cooling the ire.
She shrugged. "They thought I knew some of the people in my parents' circles. I think Mom and Dad kept me here on the farm on purpose, though. So I didn't know that they were so hated for their work." Her eyes were far away, glazed with memories. "It took a long time to convince the feds of that, though." She went quiet, and I watched with stabbing pain in my chest as the memories played across her features in tortured vivacity.
"Come here." I tugged on her hand, pulling her out of the chair and onto my lap. She came willingly, curling her legs up and letting me wrap my arms around her small frame. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that at such a young age."
"We all have pain," Evie said, sighing and laying her cheek against my shoulder. "None of us deserve it, but we all manage somehow, don't we?"
"Some in healthier ways than others," I muttered, thinking about the last few years of my life.
I heard the smile in her voice as she murmured, "Like with goats."
"With goats," I agreed, smiling and laying my cheek on the top of her head. "And bees."
"And fancy clothing," she added, plucking at my veryunfancy Henley.
"Hey, I could be smoking crack instead of buying limited edition shoes online, okay?"
"Crack would be cheaper."
I laughed, squeezing her and getting a foreign, helium-light feeling in my stomach. "If anything, I can count on you to keep me humble, Evelyn."
She yawned, rubbing her cheek against my shoulder and getting comfier in my arms. "You're not humble, Benjamin. That's what I like about you."
Warmth spread through my body, and I closed my eyes, breathing in the sweet scent of alyssum in her hair. Those were dangerous words to a man starved for acceptance and healing. Far, far too dangerous. Because caring for someone meant being vulnerable to rejection. It meant being vulnerable to losing them. I'd been fully prepared to flirt with her, to be physical and have fun and make this something we could both look back on with some fondness. I hadn't been prepared tofeel things.
I sat up, gently setting her on her feet and moving away from her heat and her intoxicating scent. Evie didn't seem to notice my distress, and she went right back to what she'd been doing with the rectangular glass plates. "I'm glad they didn't go with the gala plan."
I ran my fingers through my hair, taking a deep breath away from her that would smell less like temptation. "Oh? Why?"
Evie's lashes lifted as she gave me a sheepish look that melted my insides like a popsicle. "I get shy in social situations. I wouldn't know what to do if I was actually at a party with you, even if it was for that."
And then, suddenly, I was imagining her in a dress wholly different from the ones she usually wore. Something black and slinky, dipping low on her back and revealing a hint of cleavage in the front. I imagined her at my side, not shy, but her usual glowing self, her laugh bubbly and bright and her presencesoothing to anyone within range of her. She would sparkle. And then I couldn't breathe because the idea had me in a vise grip. Evie, at my side… every day. I choked on the intensity of how badly I wanted that. When had that happened? Breathlessly, I said, "You aren't shy."
"I'm not?" She lifted one dusty brown brow in disbelief.
I shook my head, my ears ringing and my brain completely muddled. "You're soft. Gentle. There's a difference."
Her features relaxed, and she stared at me with quiet interest. "You think so?"
I nodded. What was I doing right now? I needed to snap out of it. The bee queen had me under her spell, and I was about to do something really stupid. Something I couldn't take back. I swallowed and cleared my throat, turning to leave. "Of course. But like you said, you won't have to go to any parties with me."
"Right." Her features fell a touch, and I felt like I'd knocked a kindergartener's block tower to the ground.
"They're pretty boring," I clarified.
Evie nodded, turning back to her scraping the glass plate. "Of course."
Of course, I echoed in my head, mocking myself. "I guess I should let my assistant know I'll be back on Monday." I tapped the table absently. "You okay?"
"Yeah," she smiled tightly. "Go ahead. I won't keep you."
I dipped my head and turned away, but her words echoed in my head like bad feedback.I won't keep you.
But I wanted her to keep me.
Chapter Eighteen
EVIE
