‘I try to ignore her but then she’ll go too far; it’s like she knows exactly how to push my buttons. And then I can’t help myself, I’ll snap back at her and it gets nasty.’
‘What do you mean by nasty?’
He shifted awkwardly and did the swivel thing he always does with his neck whenever he feels uncomfortable. ‘Well, we say horrible things to one another…’
‘And how does that make you feel?’
‘I hate it. It’s not healthy for either of us.’
‘Maya, you mention Hugo is never at home so would it be fair to say that you’re feeling abandoned and then when you do see him, you’re taking your anger about the situation out on him when really what you crave is togetherness? Do you think you might be doing this as a way to get his attention?’
‘Well, it’s the wrong way to go about it…’ Hugo muttered.
‘Maybe…’ I said, ignoring the jibe. ‘But I feel so angry with him all the time so on the rare occasions when he is actually at home, I can’t seem to help myself.’
‘So what you’re saying is that you don’t see much of Hugo but then you usually spend the small amount of time that you have together arguing.’
‘Pretty much,’ Hugo chimed in. ‘And God help me when she starts on the argument juice. The gloves are really off then.’
‘What do you mean by “argument juice”, Hugo?’ Julia asked.
‘When she starts drinking wine, she’s a total nightmare.’
I was seething. How dare he say that about me!
‘Would you say that’s true, Maya?’ Julia asked. ‘Does alcohol loosen your tongue?’
‘Maybe,’ I retorted, ‘but it’s all stuff that is bothering me and then when I’ve had a glass of wine, I don’t know… I guess the truth comes out.’
‘I feel we’re getting to the root of the problem. Maya doesn’t feel her needs are being met, which results in frustration, and then she takes that anger out on you, Hugo. But the good news for both of you is that if you’re getting angry, you care. I see couples who have moved past anger; they’re ambivalent to one another and then it’s very difficult to recapture what you’ve lost.’
We went back and forth some more until Julia checked her watch. ‘Goodness, is that the time?’ she exclaimed. ‘Okay, this has been a good session, you’ve both opened up and I know it hasn’t been easy. This week, I’d like you both to really listen to one another; try not to be cynical or judge. Respect what the other person is saying without snide comments. Does that sound okay?’
We both nodded and stood up to leave.
6
MAYA
A few days later, I closed the book and placed it on Elliot’s bedside table. ‘Now, sweetheart, it’s time for you to get some sleep.’
‘Mummy?’ he asked.
‘Yes, love?’
‘Is Daddy gone away?’
‘No, love, he’s not travelling; he’s just working late.’
‘He always works late. I wish he came home early sometimes so he could play with me.’
‘Me too but your daddy is working hard so that we can have all the nice things that we have.’
‘Mummy, will you tell Daddy to give me a kiss goodnight when he comes home?’
‘Of course I will. Now you’d better get some sleep.’ I pulled the duvet right up over his shoulders and tucked it in beneath his chin. ‘Sweet dreams, baby boy,’ I whispered as I placed a kiss on his perfect skin. He settled down onto the pillows, his eyes closing almost immediately. I stood up, replaced the book we had been reading on his shelves, before creeping out of the room. I came downstairs and went back into the kitchen. I hadhad it redesigned last year. Solid oak cupboards were hand-painted in an off-white shade, accented with marble countertops and brass hardware. The island was five metres long and was perfect for hosting. We loved having friends and neighbours over or business acquaintances and clients of Hugo’s. We would put on the perfect show of togetherness. Hugo would stand with his arm along the small of my back, toasting our guests, and we would smile happily. No one would ever guess how troubled our marriage really was and that was the way I wanted to keep it.
I entered the pantry, opened the door of the wine fridge and selected the bottle that I had opened the night before and poured the remainder of it into a large glass. The tinkly sound of it as it hit the crystal was like my bedtime story calling me to relax. Although I loved my son dearly, he was a livewire and when he finally went to bed, it was my time to unwind and I liked nothing more than rewarding myself with a generous glass.
