‘Come on, Liv,’ he coaxed, ‘they’d be watching you like a hawk.’
I shook my head. ‘Finn is enough for me. Why can’t you be the same?’
‘That’s not fair!’ he blazed. ‘You know you and Finn are my whole world. But another baby would complete our family.’
‘Or it might tear us apart,’ I whispered.
He shook his head angrily at me. ‘I don’t think there’s much point in us being here,’ Jay said, standing up. ‘You’ve already made your mind up!’
‘Jay, I know you’re worked up, but I’m asking you to sit down and we’ll talk through this,’ Julia said calmly.
He ignored her and walked across the room to the door. I stood up and followed after him. ‘Come back, Jay,’ I begged, placing my hand on his arm. ‘We need to be able to talk about this.’
He ignored me and continued out to the waiting room where Maya and Hugo were sitting. For once, Hugo’s face wasn’t buried in his phone and they were both watching us, agog. I felt mortified as Jay stormed past them and stomped down the stairs. I could see Maya’s face crease in concern as she wondered what she should do. I averted my gaze from them as I hurried after him.
43
MAYA
We smiled and waved back at Elliot and Lauren. He was hanging from her back like a baby monkey and she had spent the last few minutes giving him a jockey back around the garden. The last time she had babysat, she had brought over loads of sweets and played a game which involved tumbling over the sofa with him and he had had a ball.
‘We won’t be late,’ I said as I got into the car.
Lauren dismissed me with a brush of her hand. ‘Don’t worry. Take your time; me and this little monkey are going to have loads of fun.’ She turned her head and looked back at her cargo. ‘Aren’t we, Elliot?’
He nodded enthusiastically.
‘Be good, sweetheart,’ I said. ‘And when Lauren says it’s bedtime, you go, okay?’
‘Yes, Mummy,’ he replied solemnly.
‘Enjoy the movie,’ Lauren sang from the doorstep as they both waved us off. He had been so excited earlier when I told him that Lauren was babysitting because Mummy and Daddy were going out tonight.
‘Where are you going?’
‘To the cinema,’ I had lied. The truth was that this was a last-ditch attempt at counselling. Following our previous disastrous session in Julia’s office, I had told Hugo that I wasn’t going back to her ever again after the way they had ganged up on me for daring to enjoy a few glasses of wine now and again but I was still so upset over the whole porn episode and didn’t know who else to turn to. Julia was the only person I thought might be able to help us to work through it and when I suggested it to Hugo, he surprised me by agreeing that it might be a good way to discuss it because whenever we tried to do it at home, I became too emotional. I couldn’t stay calm and I didn’t want Elliot to witness any more arguments between us. I was terrified that what he saw on Hugo’s phone was going to scar him for life and if I had any chance of making him forget about it, prolonging it with arguments between his father and me was not going to help matters. I had also looked into play therapists who might deal with this type of situation should I feel we needed a bit more help.
That evening, we both entered Julia’s office downtrodden. Beaten. Every time we came here, it felt like a defeat. If things had been improving in our marriage, I’m sure I would see it differently but week by week, the thin threads holding our relationship together seemed to be fraying further and I was so disillusioned now by the whole thing that I couldn’t see a way back for us.
Julia welcomed us back and after some polite chit-chat, I told her what had happened while Hugo sat there with a hangdog look on his face.
‘Do you understand the serious child-welfare issues at play here, Hugo?’ Julia asked. ‘The exposure of a child under eighteen to pornographic material can have legal consequences.’
‘I love my son; I hate that he saw that on my phone. I swear it was a pop-up; it wasn’t something I had been watching andleft open but I take full responsibility. I’ll make sure it never happens again.’
‘So you can understand why Maya is so upset by this?’
‘Of course I do. I’m not a monster. I feel the same way. I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this; if he needs to see a child psychologist or a play therapist then we’ll do it.’
‘And how has Elliot been at home?’
‘His behaviour has been challenging,’ I admitted, ‘but he was like that before this happened so I can’t blame it on what he saw.’
‘Has he talked about it since?’ Julia probed.
‘Thankfully not, he seems to have forgotten about it, to be honest.’
‘Kids are resilient. Hopefully, he has put it out of his head.’ She turned then to Hugo. ‘Obviously, this leads me onto your use of pornography; how often would you view it?’
