“This is crazy.” I walked around, taking it all in.
“Yeah, all you had was a worn brick wall and them damn blue lights.”
“Don’t talk trash because this same place is what got us here,” I told him.
“And that’s why I had to make sure your vision came to life.”
Casi and my daddy were covered in paint when they approached.
“Heifer, you owe me a wig,” Casi said.
“You know I got you, friend.” I laughed.
Seeing my daddy and Jah dap up and hug made me smile. My daddy getting along with my man was important to me.
“Come on, let me show you the dressing room and bathroom. You know I had to put my touch on it. Because who knows you better than me?” Casi stuck her tongue out at Jah.
“You got it.” Jah threw his hands up.
As soon as we got in the bathroom and shut the door, Casi started asking questions.
“What are we going to do with this Siya bitch? I really want to put my hands on her. You said she was innocent. This heifer never stopped sleeping with your husband. What are we going to do, bitch.”
“I got it all under control. I don’t need you putting your hands on anyone. Neither of them is worth it. In the end, I’ll be laughing.”
“What’s it like to be wrapped in your man’s arms at night now?”
“It’s amazing!” I squealed.
“That man loves you. He was on the phone with your daddy immediately after trying to get this rolling. Your daddy then called me because he knows I know your style a little more. I’m just glad you had the paint already picked out.”
“I love him too. I just wish I hadn't gotten rid of his baby. We would be parents by now.”
“And y’all still can if that’s what you want. I’m sure he’s not holding that against you. You’re beating yourself up about something he has more than likely let go. Stop doing that to yourself and let him love you properly.”
“You’re right. I’m self-sabotaging, and I don’t want to push him away.”
“Period! Now let’s get out of here because your daddy said don’t turn the air on and run your light bill up.” She pushed me out of the hot bathroom.
Later that night, Jah and I laid in bed in silence. No television on. No phones. Just our thoughts. When I was in his arms, my mind would just go quiet, and a peace would just come over me. My heartbeat matched his heartbeat.
“Can I ask you something, Jah?? And the only reason I want to ask this is so I won’t keep holding this over my head.”
“Clear the air.”
“The abortion. Are you still upset with me about that? I regret it every day, and I feel like one day you’re going to blame me if I’m never able to carry your kids. Then I’ll be back in the same boat I was with…you know who.”
“I did blame you. I also believe that everything comes in divine timing. Shit could’ve gone bad for us had you kept my baby and still went back home to that nigga. If you’re asking, do I still blame you? No, I don’t. I love you, Tatiyonna, and I know one day you will carry my kids.”
“Kids? I’m not young, Jah, and the thought of having one is getting real thin.”
“That’s where you and I are different. I know you’ll be pregnant again. All the nasty shit we do with each other, I ain’t shoot blanks in that pussy. Every time I’ve ever came in you, I released with intentions.”
“You putting love spells on me?”
“Not at all. I believe in speaking what I want. You’re here from it.”
“You spoke for my marriage to go to shit?”
