“Jah, why are you ignoring me?” I remained calm.
He stood there just staring at me.
“You can go back to your husband.”
“What? Why are you not answering the damn question?”
“Did you have an abortion?” He waited for an answer that I wasn’t ready to give. “Aight then, you can go back to your husband. I’m good on you. Shit was amazing, but I don’t fuck with how you move.”
“How do you know about an abortion?”
“I’ve been making love to you for months, Tatiyonna. I know when you’re ovulating and I know when your cycle comes on. I came to see you, and I watched you get out of that car with your best friend helping you in the house. The fat ass pad you had on told me everything I needed to know.”
“Jah, you ignored me. What was I supposed to think?”
“The same way you just popped your ass up over here, is the same way you could’ve popped your ass up over here and told me you got pregnant in Thailand. By you getting rid of it, let me know you were going to pick that nigga from the jump. And you’re the same one that said you couldn’t get pregnant from that nigga, but you killed mine.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. That feeling in my chest when I saw my husband with that girl was the same feeling I was having right now. It felt ten times worse, though.
“So again, go back to your husband, Tatiyonna,” Jah said coldly.
“Jah, please don’t do this. You’ve got to take some responsibility in this as well. We had no business sleeping together without protection.”
“You’re right. I take responsibility because I never should’ve fucked with you like that, knowing you were in a situation with your husband. I let my fucking heart get in the way. My bad for that. I’m not taking responsibility for you laying on that table and letting them suck my baby out of you, though. That’s on you.”
“Fuck you, Jah! I thought you were different, but you’re just like him, too. You know just how to make me feel like shit andeverything is my fault. It’s my fault my husband cheated and now it’s my fault I aborted a baby because their fucking daddy was scared to be in love.”
Jah was in my face before I knew.
“Don’t compare me to no bitch ass nigga. I’m the nigga that seen you,” he beat on his chest. “I stillseeyou. I know you would rather teach dance full-time and do therapy on the side. I know your body better than the nigga you spent ten years with. I see past your physical, Tatiyonna. When I looked at you, I sawyou, and I heardyou. You’re spending money and wasting time sitting on a couch with a nigga that only knows the college you. So, don’t fucking compare me to him.”
“I’m sorry, Jah. I just…”
“Go home, Tatiyonna. I told you I don’t like to argue. You’ve made me raise my voice, and I just don’t want to deal with this shit right now.”
“That’s exactly why I got an abortion, because you don’t ever want to deal with shit.”
His pupils got so dark that the hairs on my arm stood up.
“Get the fuck out of my house.” He pointed at the door.
“Gladly.” I walked out and slammed the door.
Two days later, and I was still in bed. I don’t know how many times Kileen came knocking. My daddy called so many times I had to finally send him a text and tell him I was sick but would check in later. Then Casi, using her spare key to get in because I was ignoring her, didn’t make it any better. She went with me to get the abortion, and I knew my girl would take that shit to the grave with her.
“Tati, you’ve got to get out of this bed. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I can’t just sit around and let you lay in bed and cry over these niggas. I mean, if I’m being a real friend, I told you not to abort the baby until you had a conversation with him.”
She was right. She did tell me to talk to him, but after all the failed attempts at a phone call and text, I thought his ass was done. A decision had to be made with the stupid abortion laws now. Did I regret my decision? Somewhat, only because I saw the hurt in Jah’s eyes.
“I hate that I did the shit, okay,” I said from under the covers.
“All you can do now is pick up the pieces and move the fuck on, Tati. You can’t undo it and both of y’all feelings are valid.”
I pulled the cover from over my head to look at Casi. She snatched back at my appearance. The only thing I was able to do was get up and eat some popcorn or something sweet. My eyes were puffy and red. The last time I looked in the mirror, I had dark circles around my eyes. My hair hadn't been combed and I needed a relaxer and trim.
“Girl, hell no! Get up, let’s go get our nails and feet done. Then you need to be reaching out to your girl to do something to this head of yours.”
“Okay, just give me some time.”
