“Yeah.” He brushed me off.
“If I tell my daddy you’re the man I’m always talking about, he’ll push this shit between us so hard. He speaks so highly of you. I want it to be organic, and he’ll do anything to make sure Kileen never gets me back.”
“So, you be talking about a nigga with your daddy?” He scooted closer to me.
“Don’t get a big head. I might have mentioned you once or twice,” I said playfully.
“I love your dad. It’s because of him I’m able to walk the streets and run my business with no problem.”
“About that…he said something about you having an anger issue. Is that going to be a problem with us if things don’t go your way?”
“What else did he say?” He brushed over my question.
“That you were a good person and that you needed a father figure to get your head on straight. He said you caught a charge and it could’ve cost you everything, even your family business.”
“To answer your question, yes, I have or had anger issues. Will that be a problem for you?” he looked at me. “Maybe not me and you, but possibly me and him.”
“Jah…”
“I would never hurt you, baby. I’ll never hurt anything or anyone that will hurt you. I know how to walk away if that’s what you’re saying. If you love that nigga that much, I will never hurt him.”
He got up and walked out of the room onto the balcony. I didn’t go behind him because he needed time. After I finished eating, he still hadn’t come back in. He wasn’t on the balcony or anywhere in the villa. I slipped on a pair of slides and walked down to the beach. The moon was hitting off the water so beautifully when I walked up behind him and wrapped my hands around him. He pulled me around and wrapped his arms around me.
“Tatiyonna, I have a troubled past, and I don’t want you to be scared of me. I want you to believe me when I tell you I’ll never hurt you. I’ll hurt myself first. I’m prepared for whatever we go from here. I really got you on this trip so I could have you to myself if this was our last time. I wanted to let you know that I was in love with you and I was tired of hiding it. Shit, I can’t eat or sleep when we’re not together, and it does fuck with me that you possibly laid up with that nigga while my bed is empty. The only thing left at my house is your scent and a few pieces of clothes.”
“Jah, you’re talking like I’ve picked my marriage over you.”
“Shit, you might as well. You gave that nigga hope. The sad part is, I know I can have you, but I don’t want to deal with anything toxic. It’s the toxic shit that brings the anger out of me. I don’t like to argue or anything.”
“I’m toxic?”
“That’s all you got out of that?”
“If you must know, I haven’t picked either one of y’all, but if you brought me all the way out of the country to tell me you’re done fucking with me, you could’ve told me this at home. You don’t get to make love to me raw and tell me you love me. Now it makes sense why you been so distant with me.” I pushed him and walked back to the house.
“Tatiyonna!” He called after me. “Tatiyonna, I know you hear me fucking calling you!” He chased behind me.
Jah snatched me before I could make it up the stairs. I was fighting back the tears because I was fearful that this was going to happen. I should’ve never taken it this far with him.
“I don’t want to argue. I brought you here to enjoy yourself. So, we could enjoy ourselves. I don’t even know that turned into that. That’s on me, and I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to argue with you either, Jah, but if you’re going to be standoffish, then let’s just cut the trip short and go home. I get enough of a cold shoulder with my husband; I don’t need it from you too.”
“It’s not the cold shoulder. Tatiyonna, I’m guarding and protecting myself. The only one that’s going to be hurt in the end of this shit is me.”
“Jah, if I didn’t plan on being with you, I would’ve never let you sleep with me raw. Never! I’m not that girl at all. I’m just trying to wrap this shit up with my husband so I can move on with my life.
“Can we just go to bed and start over again tomorrow? I have a photoshoot booked at that big lily pad thing. I just want to hold you in my arms and act like we never had a disagreement.”
Jah grabbed my hand, and we both walked up the stairs that led to our villa. We showered, and both crawled in bed. Nothing was said between us as he pulled me in and nestled his nose in my neck. I closed my eyes and prayed that this would one day be every day for me. Feeling loved and heard.
Eight days had gone by too fast.The flight attendant was telling us to fasten our seatbelts because we were descending to the airport. Jah grabbed my hand and kissed it. For eight days, I enjoyed being in his presence. All I had to do was wake up, wash my behind, brush my teeth, and get dressed. Jah had everything else covered. From the floating breakfast to the excursion. Not once did I have to ask for anything. Now, I was going back to face Kileen, and I still hadn’t thought of a lie as to why I disappeared for eight days.
“You know I don’t want to let you go, right?” Jah said as he pulled up to his house.
“I don’t want to leave either,” I whined.
“You don’t have to.”
