I waved the waitress back over and ordered another drink. My dad had no idea that I felt like the shit between Jah and me was way pasthaving fun. It was an addiction. A damn soul tie now. We didn’t go a day without talking on the phone. He would talk to me on lunchbreaks, before he went to bed, and when he woke up.
“I’m going to marriage counseling with Kileen as our last resort to reconcile. If this doesn’t work, then we will have an amicable divorce.”
“Fuck amicable, you deserve the house and half that nigga business for what he did to you.”
“The house will be mine. His name is not on the deed.” I winked at my dad.
“My muthafuckin’ girl.” He high fived me.
“I don’t want to have anything to do with his business, just like I don’t want him to have anything to do with mine. I think us just signing the papers and letting it go would be better. I don’t want them all in my financials. I’m sure he doesn’t either. That would mean he’ll have to pay me alimony.”
“He owes you. As a man, he should feel like he owes you for what he’s done.”
“Well, we haven’t gotten that far yet. We will cross that bridge when we get there.”
“Have you told this guy friend that you’re about to do counseling?”
My dad asked before he took a bite of his salad.
“No! Why would I do that? We both know what we have going on.”
“Aight, just like I tell people, don’t play with a woman’s heart. You’d better let that man down nicely if you get back with Kileen. That’s why I say have fun and keep the feelings out of it.”
I pulledin next to Kileen at the therapist’s office. He stepped out of the car and opened my door for me. I could see that he put his wedding ring back. That was not going to make me put mine back on. This was only session one of eight. I gave his ass eight weeks to convince me he was worthy of second chances. As we walked in and got on the elevator, we hadn't said anything to each other. He was on his phone, and I was on mine. That’s how life was with us. All business and no time for each other. Hell, maybe we just didn’t like one another like that. I guess we’ll find out.
We stepped off the elevator and walked down the long hall until we reached a door at the end. He opened it and let me walk in first. I let him check in, and I sat closest to the door as he sat across from me. My phone was now in my purse, and he was still on his. I just stared at him to see what it was that made me stay all this time. Now that my eyes were open, I should’ve seen the signs. Then sadness hit me. I can remember as far back as five years, when things started changing between us. He became distant and cold towards me. His anger would flare up at the weirdest times.
“Mr. and Mrs. McGhee,” a black man called out.
Just fucking great, a man.
We got settled into his office, and for the first time, Kileen paid me any attention. He tried to reach out and grab my hand, but I snatched it away. The counselor noticed and raised his eyebrow.
“We can start right there. First starters, my name is Dr. Walker. Now, can I ask why you snatched away, Mrs. McGhee?”
Just the sound of that last name made me cringe. I never changed it on my business license or anything.
“I don’t want to come in here and perform. Since I pulled up and got out of the car, we hadn't spoken one word to each other. He gets in here in front of you and tries to touch me. It makes me look like the bad guy.” I looked over at Kileen and rolled my eyes.
“Mr. McGhee,” Dr. Walker waited for a response.
“I hadn't noticed we didn’t say anything. She usually speaks or says something.”
I threw my hands up. Being here was already tearing my nerves up.
“So, she is the initiator? That’s rare for a man, you know that, right? You set the temperature, and the woman adjusts. She’s only going to give you back what you’re giving. How long do you feel like you’ve been ignored, Mrs. McGhee?”
I held my tears back. This is why I didn’t want to do this shit. Feelings that I wasn’t ready to deal with were coming up. All I wanted to do was hope they would disappear at some point.
“It’s been so long, I can’t really pinpoint a time.”
“Give me an estimate.”
“Five or so years.”
“What!” Kileen said. “Ain’t no way. I give you everything and more. Five years is some bullshit, and you know.”
“Hold on now, we don’t talk like that in here. No wonder you’re sitting in that seat. You can’t tell the other person how to feel or how long they’ve been feeling that way.”
