When we arrive at the cabin, Wilder unlocks it and lets me in first before he shuts the door and locks it.
Once again, silence falls between us while I stand awkwardly in the middle of the room with a plate of s’mores. Unsure of what exactly to do and slightly out of sorts about Wilder’s steaming attitude, I ask, “Are you okay?”
“Am I okay?” he asks, pointing to his chest while he slips his shoes off. “Why are you asking if I’m okay? The real question is are you okay?”
“I mean, I think so. You just seem very agitated.”
“I am agitated,” he replies. “Why aren’t you agitated?”
“I guess I don’t know how I feel,” I answer honestly. “For a second, I thought they were saying we were faking the marriage, and that got scary for a moment, because I didn’t want to get caught in that lie, and maybe they do have an inkling about us faking it all, but it just seems like you’re really angry.”
“I mean, yeah, I fucking am. Where does that douche come off, attacking you like that? He has no right. And over what? A fucking cabin? You know what…” He looks around the room. “I’ve got an idea.”
Oh God, he has a crazed look in his eyes.
“What are you thinking?” I ask.
He slips his shoes back on and then goes over to the basket of dildos and condoms and the Kama Sutra book. “Let’s spread the wealth.”
Uh, I don’t like that idea.
Not even a little.
“I think maybe we should just stay here,” I say.
He shakes his head and walks over to the nipple picture and snags it off the wall, only to toss it on the bed. Then he grabs the handcuffs from the bed, detaches them, and tosses them in the basket.
“Wilder, what are you doing?”
“Teaching these fucks a lesson.” He tucks the picture under his arm, grabs the basket, and says, “Come on.”
“Wait. Maybe we should think this through.”
“I’ve thought it through. If they’re so desperate for all these things, then we are going to give them the items they crave. Come on, Pips.”
There’s no stopping him, so out of desperation to make sure he doesn’t say anything insane, I follow him. As we approach the firepit, I hear Brad shush everyone just as Wilder sets the basket and picture on the empty Adirondack chair.
The circle stares at him, waiting for his next move, as an acute sweat breaks out on the back of my neck. What is he going to do?
“Since you all seem to be so jealous of the things in our cabin, we thought we would spread the wealth. Chad.” Wilder turns toward him. “Here’s a picture of a nipple. You seem to want to rev up your sex life. Maybe treat it as a genie lamp, rub it, and ask for your sex dreams to come true.” He tosses the picture at Chad.
Oh my God.
He then turns to Duncan and picks up a dildo and some lube. “For you and your husband. Probably the most useful thing I can offer you in this basket besides the handcuffs, but I think we all know who desperately wants those.” Wilder picks up the handcuffs and tosses them at Brad as my stomach churns with embarrassment. “I did not include a key—not even sure if they’re needed—but if you’re tied up for the rest of the days we’re here, it would be a gift for us all.”
“Hey, I was defending you.”
Wilder points at him. “You were bitching about the cabin.”
He then hands Finky a bunch of condoms and a vibrator and leaves it at that.
“Mind your own goddamn business, and keep your noses out of mine and my wife’s.” He starts to walk away but then says one more thing. “I have no idea what this tent is that you speak of, but if I have anything to say about it, none of you are going to get it.”
Then he takes my hand, and he charges us back to our emptied sex cabin.
It’s so weird not having my phone with me. Normally at night, I’d lie in bed, scroll through social media, maybe play a game on my phone, but without my device, I feel…weird, lost. Like I don’t know what to do with my hands while Wilder is in the bathroom, getting ready for bed.
I don’t know how to feel about what happened tonight. It was kind of comical, kind of insane, slightly embarrassing. Just a bunch of chaos—probably the best way to put it.
