“Fantastic,” Sanders says and then picks up his football and tosses it over to Wilder. To my horror, Wilder catches it, gets off the couch, and starts charging toward Sanders, jukes him out, and then spikes the ball to the office floor before raising his hands in the air.
“Touchdown.”
Yup, he’s getting my shoe. The heel right to the esophagus.
Chapter Five
WILDER
“That went really well,” I say as we make it out on the sidewalk, where I turn to find a very pissed-off Scottie.
Through clenched teeth, she says, “That went well? You think that went well?”
“Yeah, he said he thinks our marriage still has potential.”
“Youidiot!” she shouts, clenching her fists at her sides. “I don’t want our marriage to have potential. I wanted it to die dead on the floor of that office. I wanted us hemorrhaging up there. I wanted there to be no ability to resuscitate.”
I gesture toward the office. “After the potential he saw in us?”
“Potential?”
“Yes, he said we could still make it.”
She stands taller, blinking. “Oh my God.” She takes a step back. “You’re crazy. You’re actually crazy. Does your brother know this?”
“I’m not crazy.”
“Yes, you are. That’s the only explanation I can fathom for why you’re carrying on this farce. You…you come dressed likeyou just left a My Chemical Romance concert, you have total disregard for anything you said in there, you talked about penis skin and then held my hand on the way out. It’s not real, Wilder. We are not real.” She gestures between us.
“I understand that.”
“Do you though?” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “Because you just paid for eight days in marriage camp at reception.”
I shrug. “I know, because that seemed fun.”
She rubs her temples. “Seemed fun? Wilder, don’t you hear what you’re saying? I can’t afford a marriage retreat, even if I was married.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I say nonchalantly. “My treat.”
“Okay, besides the fact that you can just throw down fifteen grand as a ‘treat,’ I don’t have the luxury of picking up and going to the Catskills for eight days. I actually have a job, a life.”
“He said Ellison would give you time off. I didn’t think it would be a big deal, and from what I experienced in that office, it seems like you might be a touch uptight and need to loosen up. This camp might do that.”
“I was uptight because you were not following instructions.”
“What instructions?” I ask. “I assumed we were playing it by ear up there, which, by the way, the family recipe thing was gold. Took everything in me not to bust out in laughter. Seriously, you should take improv classes. You were really good on your feet.”
“I…I can’t take you right now.” She blinks a few more times and then charges down the sidewalk away from me.
I chase after her and match her stride when I catch up. “Don’t you think we have some things to talk about? To hammer out?”
She shakes her head. “No. There’s nothing to talk about. This was all a huge mistake. I’m just going to have to go talk to Ellison and tell her the truth. Tell her that I lied to fit in. Sure, it’ll be a great way to get fired probably, and my hopes ofmoving on to bigger and better things will crumble at my feet, causing me to have to start all over again. But who doesn’t like a second-chance, rock-bottom storyline?”
“Stop,” I say, tugging on her hand. “You’re not going to get fired.”
“You don’t know that,” she says. “You don’t know my company. Being happily married is apparently a cult there. They find out I lied, not only will the Brads and Chad point and laugh in their stupid embroidered vests, but they will gleefully watch me walk out of the office building with a boxful of my supplies.” She stops and looks out dizzily toward the street. “I don’t think I can stomach the thought of it.”
Fearing she’s on the verge of a mental breakdown, I spot a juice bar across the street, so I guide her by the small of her back and say, “Follow me.”
