“You might not realize you’re doing it, but every time you look at me, there’s side-eye.” And in a guttural voice, I say, “I fucking hate side-eye. Just look at me with regular eyes.”
“You’re delusional,” she says and then offers me the greatest side-eye ever to be achieved by a human being.
“You…wench,” I whisper.
“Enough,” Sanders shouts. “Just…enough. This is not productive.”
“None of this is productive,” Scottie says, tossing her hands in the air. “Do you really think leaving us out here in the lake is going to do anything?”
“It will force you to work together and find a way back to the shore.”
“Yeah.” I cross my arms over my chest. “It’s called swimming, and I tend to be excellent at that, so the minute you leave, I’m jumping overboard.”
“You would just leave me stuck in a boat by myself?”
“After that side-eye you just gave me, uh, yeah, I would.”
“That’s a dick move,” she says.
“Listen, last time I attempted to be your knight in shining armor, I was chastised and punished for it, so beg your pardon if I don’t feel very knightly at the moment. Actually, I’m feeling more like the villain.”
And then without giving it another thought, I toss my body overboard and start swimming for the shore.
Tires peel out and kick up dust as Sanders drives away on his four-wheeler, leaving me and Scottie alone in the middle of the woods with a tent and a cooler.
After I made it to the shore, I headed back to the cabin, took a shower, got changed, and then was met at the door by Sanders, who dragged me onto his four-wheeler.
“Great job,” I say to her. “You just had to test him, didn’t you?”
“You think this is my fault?” she asks. “Uh, you weren’t talking either. And you were the one who stranded me in a boat.”
“Yeah, but you were the one who was like ‘It can’t get worse, nothing is worse than this.’” I gesture to the tent and pile of supplies. “This is worse, Scottie. This is way worse.”
“Do you really think they’re just going to leave us out here?”
“Uh, yeah. They were going to leave us in a boat. What makes you think this is any different? It’s why he took off. Do you think he forgot something and is coming back?”
She folds her arms across her chest. “You know, you don’t have to be so sarcastic.”
“Well, you don’t have to ask ridiculous questions. Of course they left us out here. They…they parent-trapped us.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Have you ever seen the movie?”
“Of course I have. I’m just surprised you have.”
“Don’t be sexist,” I say.
Her eyes narrow. “I wasn’t being sexist. I was surprised you’ve seen it given the emo vibe you give off.”
“This is not an emo vibe. This is me being me.”
“It’s emo.”
“Stop,” I say and then take a deep breath. “They parent-trapped us. This is what they did to Lindsay Lohan. They sequestered her away from camp until they got along again. That’s what they’re doing to us.”
“That’s not parent-trapped. Parent-trapped is when you trick your divorced parents into being close together.”
