“Halsey, where is this coming from? This insecurity?”
With a sigh, he shifts off me and rolls to his back. I press a kiss to his chest and quickly head to the bathroom to clean up because I feel like whatever he has to say will be more than just a few seconds.
He follows me in and cleans up as well. Every once in a while, I catch him staring at me, and I can’t help but swoon at the way his expression changes whenever our eyes connect.
Once we’re done, we climb back into bed, and as he lies down on his back again, I move on top of him so our chests are pressed together, and I’m staring down at him.
“So . . .” I continue. “Where is this all coming from, Halsey?”
Chapter Twenty-One
HALSEY
She’s so beautiful.
Just look at her face. Those eyes, they fucking slice right through me. The light freckles on her nose give her a look of whimsy. Those lips, they’re so sweet and innocent but also sinful and dangerous.
And she’s mine.
Even though it’s all I’ve wanted from the moment I met her, it’s settling in and now I’m terrified.
Why, you ask?
Because I wanted to share this night with someone. I wanted to tell my parents about how goddamn lucky I am to have taken Blakely out. I wanted to send them the picture Blakely and I took on the aquabus. I wanted to be able to brag about the girl in my arms. I wish I could call Holden, Hayden, or my parents, and find a time for them to meet my girl.
And sure, I have my boys, and they’d be ecstatic for me, but there’s the pain that I feel deep in my soul that reminds me every day that I don’t have the one person in my life I could have shared every detail with. And he’d have sat there and listened. He’d have called me a douche at times or made fun of me for liking a fucking lemon square, but in the end, he would have been proud of me and smiled.
I don’t have that, and knowing I don’t have that has messed with my head.
It’s reminded me that having a shred of that comfort back is a possibility, but someone has to break the tension. Someone has to make that first move and, despite feeling so fucking sick over it, I know it needs to be me.
“Halsey.” Blakely runs her finger over my jaw. “Talk to me.”
I run my hand over her lower back, rounding her ass, then up her spine. It’s slow, and it’s comforting. It confirms she’s here with me now, and she has no intention of leaving.
“Tonight was everything I could have asked for,” I say. “When I say I’ve dreamed of this night for so long, I’m not fucking kidding. I’d lie here in my bed and think about what I’d do with you. Where I’d take you on our first date. What I’d say. And then it happened, and I feel so fucking euphoric, like I’m soaking in a high that I never want to end.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
I shake my head. “It’s not. Nothing about tonight was bad. It was perfect. You’re perfect.” I smooth her hair behind her ear. “And that’s what’s killing me because I want to shout to everyone that I’m the luckiest motherfucker ever.” I pause and then say, “When we got home, do you know what my initial instinct was?”
“What?” she asks.
“To call Holden. When you went to your room, I sat and stared at my phone, wondering if I texted him if he’d respond. I wanted to tell him that I took out my dream girl, and how itwas so fucking perfect. But I knew he wouldn’t respond. That’s when I thought about my parents and Hayden. I would have texted them in the past, but I knew that wasn’t an option and it made me realize, I need to mend those relationships. If I don’t, it will sit on my chest and then at some point, it might hurt our relationship, and I will not let that happen.”
I press my hand to her cheek.
“You’re it for me, Blakely. This is it. I want nothing else and I want to do everything I can to make sure this relationship goes the distance.”
She gently smiles as she leans down and presses a soft, whisper-like kiss to my lips.
“No one has ever talked to me like that before,” she says.
“Does it overwhelm you?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “It doesn’t. It makes me feel secure, cherished, and wanted. And not to bring up Perry, but I think that’s where the difference is when it came to my feelings for him. In some senses, we were so young when we first got together. Everything was fun, and then over time, it wasn’t. We didn’t grow with the relationship. I’ve thought a lot about this since he left. It wasn’t actually that hard to let him go. And that showed me that our relationship wasn’t as strong as I had thought it was. We wouldn’t have gone the distance.”
She smooths her palm over my heart. I can’t say I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve wondered if I was a rebound, but I don’t think I am now.
