Fuck, and I love feeling her. Every inch of her.
But I’m also afraid that if I have access to her body, we’ll be in the same position we were before, when all we did was fuck and not talk. And even though that was so goddamn amazing, I know that there’s so much more to us than that.
“I think I want to take it slow with you.”
That makes her laugh again. “Slow? I’d be interested to see what your fast is, if this has been slow.”
“What we were doing was feral desperation to feel what I’ve wanted to feel for over a year. But I don’t want our intimacy to define who we are as a couple. I want to talk, date, and get to know you on a deeper level.”
She turns so she’s on her back and looking up at me. “So do you want me to sleep on the couch then?” My brows pinch together, which causes her to laugh. “Just kidding. I don’t want to have that argument again.” She cups my cheek, and her thumb rubs over my scruff. “I can be good with slow. As long as this cuddling doesn’t stop.”
“Do you think I could have you in my bed and not hold you?”
“I’m thinking no,” she answers.
“Exactly.”
Her hand falls to my chest as she says, “This feels so surreal.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I was just talking to Penny about you and how I’ve missed talking, and I know it’s been my fault. I haven’t even given you a chance to talk to me before I’ve bolted out of here.”
“And why were you bolting?” I ask.
Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “You changed me in a way I wasn’t expecting.” She wets her lips. “God, this feels embarrassing to talk about.”
“You don’t need to say it,” I say.
She shakes her head. “No, I want to be honest with you. I said I wanted to talk, so I’m going to talk.” Her fingers dance along my bare chest as she says, “I didn’t know sex could be likethat. It was shocking to me and, I know it seems stupid, but I was under the impression that I was madly in love with a man I thought I was going to marry. The love I shared with Perry is what I thought was the precipice of what I could feel. The intimacy we shared had felt like it was...enough. I didn’t think it could be any different, but then . . . then we shared the night of the wedding, and it flipped my entire idea of sex upside down. It was confusing to me and hard to process, which is why I bolted the first morning. I needed to catch my breath. And then when I came home, and it happened all over again, I felt like my brain was short-circuiting, and it seemed easier to leave than to tell you how you altered everything I ever knew.”
I lightly stroke my thumb over her jaw. “You weren’t the only one altered that night. I understand the feeling, Blakely. I wish you would have talked to me because I could have told you it felt the same for me.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asks.
“I was nervous that I’d scare you away if I said something. You were already fleeing the scene, so I thought that if I could keep fucking you, you’d continue to come back, and that’s how I could hold on to you. I see that was a very stupid idea now.”
“Well . . . the sex wasn’t stupid,” she says with such a beautiful smile.
“The sex was the best I’ve ever had,” I say.
“Same,” she says shyly, which just makes me like this woman that much more.
I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead as I continue to stroke her jaw.
When I pull away, she says, “So basically we were both altered that night and didn’t know how to handle it.”
“Yeah, sounds like it,” I answer. “Sorry that I handled it so poorly.”
“You didn’t.” She shakes her head. “I was the one who didn’t handle it well.”
“Maybe we both could have handled it better.”
“Maybe more me than you.”
I shake my head. “That’s not who I am, Blakely. I’m not cold like that. I’m not the kind of man who just fucks, and that’s it. Sure, I was rabid to have you, but after, I wanted so much more than to just hold you before you fell asleep. I wanted to talk, I wanted to kiss you until you were so comfortable that you could pass out in my arms. I wanted to cherish you, but instead, I was a cold, demanding man.” My stomach seizes from the thought of it. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” she says. “Please, Halsey, don’t apologize. Okay? I wasn’t hurt by it. I was so turned on every moment you whispered into my ear and demanded what you wanted from me. If that isn’t how you normally—”
