Blakely:Same. I look forward to when you come back. Until then . . . I’ll take care of Sherman.
Halsey:Thank you. Have a good night.
Blakely:You too, and good luck tomorrow.
I toss my phone to the side and drag my hands over my face.
Fuck . . . this will easily be the worst away trip ever because now I have to wait. Thank God it’s only one game. If this was a longer road trip, I’m not sure I’d be able to wait that long to talk.
Now I have to figure out what I want to say to her.
First things first, she’s going to find out how I feel.
Second thing, ask her out on a real date.
Third thing . . . get her to stay somehow.
“Drive safe,”Posey calls out to me as I get into my car and slam the door.
I’ve never loved a five thirty game time more now than ever. After crushing our neighbor team, the Beavers, we were able to take showers, hop on the plane, and take the quick one-hour flight, giving us plenty of time to get home, which is exactly what I’m doing.
I’m racing home.
The adrenaline from the game still pumps through me, and I want nothing more than to go up to Blakely and tell her exactly how I feel.
Especially after the game we had. A win of four to two, I don’t think I’ve ever skated better, even with my ankle feeling slightly sore. I tore around the ice, tracking the puck, feeling the presence of my teammates, and connecting with them harmoniously on the ice.
It felt good, and I’ll play off that feeling and take what I want.
The boys—especially Posey—have tried to talk to me about Blakely but I’ve shut it down. All of it. I’ve buried myself in my book, ignored the outside world and chatter, and I’ve remained composed as I’ve planned what I’m going to say to Blakely when I see her.
My hands grip the steering wheel tightly as I pull out onto the main road. It’s not that far from the private airport to my apartment, but it’s long enough for me to feel itchy with anticipation.
I just hope she’s still awake.If she’s not, I plan on waking her up. What I have to say can’t wait. I can only hope that once she knows how I feel, that she’ll see why I’ve tried so hard to win her. I’ve fucked up time and time again, but I hope she’ll see past those blunders, see past my awkwardness, and know that she means the world to me.
And that I hope she feels something similar for me too. And that she’ll stay...with me.
As I drive through the empty roads, the streetlights casting over me like a spotlight, I feel the presence of Holden fall over me.
He’d think I was such an idiot, the way I’ve handled this entire situation. He would have told me from the beginning to ask her out. From the moment I first laid eyes on her, he would have told me to wiggle myself into her life, even if she did have a boyfriend. Not the best advice, but I know right now he’d be saying, “I told you so. Should have been honest with her from the beginning.”
And it’s times like this, where I feel so disconnected, that I miss him more than ever. He was the guy who’d help me pull it all together. He grounded me.
I love my guys, and I know I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for them, but sometimes, it isn’t the same as having my twin brother . . . or my big brother, Hayden. Or my parents.
My throat grows tight thinking about the loss our family has suffered. Not just from losing Holden, but the disconnect between my family after he passed. Holden and I were so close with Hayden, and now that he’s in California with his wife and their kid, I’m . . . I’m so far removed that I don’t even know how old my nephew is. I know nothing about him. Is he playing hockey?
If Holden were alive, he’d be ashamed of all of us.
He wouldn’t want it like this.
“Fuck,” I grumble as tears spring to my eyes. “Not now.” I wipe them away, and I take a deep breath.
I can’t focus on my family, and its pitiful demise. I need to focus on Blakely.
And that’s what I do. I set my mind on her and her alone, blocking out the rest of the noise.
When I pull into my parking spot at the apartment, I barely put the car in park before I’m out the door. I grab my duffel bag, sling it over my shoulder, then head straight up to the apartment, thankful there’s an elevator ready for me.
