“Really?” she asks as she flops on her back. “Because it seems like ever since we’ve gotten engaged, I’ve become a burden. Everything going wrong in your life right now is because of me. So tell me how that’s not a burden?”
“Being in love with someone is not a burden.”
“You sure make it seem like it is.”
“Excuse me?” I ask as she tries to roll away, but I stop her and force her to face me. “Care to explain that?”
“Just leave it,” she says, trying to turn away again.
“I’m not going to leave it when you say something like that. Ever since I met you, my days have been focused on supporting you, being there for you, making sure you’ve had a smooth transition into this new life. I’ve given up everything I’ve known, put myself in situations I’m not comfortable with because I love you, because I’m in love with you. I’ve sacrificed, Lilly.”
“So have I!” she shouts, pointing at her chest as tears stream down her cheeks. “I’ve sacrificed so fucking much. I left everything I’ve ever known for a world that offers me a family history. I’ve been carted around all over this godforsaken country, learning the traditions and connecting with the people. I’ve given up my life to become queen so the people of this country aren’t handed over to the enemy. So excuse me for wanting a fucking mental break for one goddamn night, Keller. I wasn’t trying to disrespect anyone. I wasn’t trying to cause issues. I was trying to take a deep breath from the insanity that has been our lives for the past month. Not everything is about you and how you feel, how it changes your routine, because guess what, Keller? Not everything can be compartmentalized for you. Life doesn’t work like that, and it’s time you realize that.”
She turns away from me and rests her head on her pillow, curling into it.
“So is that it?” I ask. “You’re just going to end the conversation on that?”
“I have nothing else to say to you. I apologized. What’s done is done. And you don’t need to stay here tonight. Trust me, I won’t be going anywhere.”
“I’m not leaving,” I say.
“Do what you want, Keller. I really don’t care.”
“How am I the bad guy in this scenario?” I ask.
She turns toward me again and says, “There’s no bad guy or good guy. The fact of the matter is, I’m drowning over here, just as much as you are. You chose to lie to me instead of telling me the truth about whatever threats have come in, and it came back to bite you in the ass. If I knew there was a true risk, I never would have left the palace. If you want me to make smart choices, then educate me on what’s happening. Simple as that.”
“You wouldn’t have handled it well.”
“Well, I guess we’ll never know now.” She goes back to her side of the bed and says, “Good night.”
I flex my hands, my irritation not subsiding from our conversation.
She’s right that I probably should have told her about the threats, but what she doesn’t realize is even if there were no threats, she still shouldn’t have left. So many things could have happened, so many bad things, and I’m not sure she’ll ever understand that.
* * *
I watchLilly slip on a pair of nude-colored heels, her hair and makeup done, the pair of light blue pants and white blouse looking beautiful on her. It’s been an awkward morning to say the least.
We’ve said about two words to each other while Runa has made her way around the room, helping her get ready. I’ve stayed in the chair next to the window, observing, skipping my workout this morning, and trying to determine how to bridge the wide-open gap between us.
But it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen.
Not now.
Lilly stands from where she’s sitting and pushes down on her pants as she looks in the mirror, adjusting her blouse. Queen Pala and her daughters arrive today. I know she’s nervous but also very much excited.
“If you don’t need anything else, I’ll check on the dress that I had sent down to the laundry,” Runa says, clearly trying to give us some space. Can’t imagine how uncomfortable she feels, especially since I haven’t left the chair. I’ve simply observed Lilly getting ready.
“I’m good, thanks,” Lilly says as she adjusts her necklace.
“Very well. I hope you enjoy the time you have meeting your family. I look forward to hearing about it later.” And then Runa leaves us. Alone.
I rise from the chair, picking up my shoes and socks. I put my shirt on when Runa entered, because I didn’t think it was appropriate for Runa to see me shirtless.
With my items secured, I move toward the bedroom door only to be stopped when Lilly says, “What kind of threats, Keller?” I glance over my shoulder, and I’m about to answer when she says, “If you don’t tell me, then I’m just going to find out from someone else. Don’t you think it would be best to hear from my future husband?”
Unfortunately, I know how she works. She will find out one way or another. It’s who she is. And I want to tell her rather than have someone else. It’s my job.
