“Cindy Lauper,cyanide, Cybil Shepard, sill . . . windowsill. Wait, silo. The Silos! Chip and Joanna Gaines. Shiplap. Wait, is it shiplap? Ship . . . ship sales. Sailing ship. Come sail on my ship with me,” I say. “No? Sail . . . uh . . . Sail . . . oh wait . . . Sail away with me!” I toss the headphones off my head, ridding myself of the yodelers. “It was sail away with me, wasn’t it? See, I told you I would be good at this.”
Keller stares at me blankly, ghostly white from my shouting.
Without saying a word, he slowly hands me the card he was reading from.
“Salami sandwich for two?” I look over at Elias. “What the hell kind of sentence is that?”
“It doesn’t matter what the sentence says, what matters is how you two communicate.” He folds his arms. “And it seems like you communicate by yelling.”
“Nuh-uh,” I say like a child. “We communicate just fine. No yelling involved. You saw yelling because we were trying to make sure we heard each other. Simple mistake.”
“Let me ask you this. During the last argument you had, was there yelling?”
“No,” I answer as Keller says, “Yes.”
I whip my head around to look at him. “There wasn’t yelling, was there?”
“There was.”
“Well . . . if there was, it’s just because we’re passionate about what we believe in, not because we have an issue communicating.”
“I’m not saying you have an issue communicating,” Elias says.
“Then what are you saying?” I ask, folding my arms.
“I’m just pointing out flaws and bringing them to your attention.”
“Ah, is that what these sessions are for? To make us feel bad about ourselvesandour relationship?”
“Lilly.” Keller places his hand on my thigh.
“No. I would really like to know what this is all about because it seems like Elias is trying to make us look bad when we actually have a solid relationship. As solid as they come. A relationship that was built on—”
“Sex,” Elias says with conviction.
“What?” I ask, my jaw hitting the floor. “No, it wasn’t.”
“Yes, it was. That’s what you told me. Your initial drive to be with him was because you found him attractive.”
“Isn’t that everyone’s initial instinct? Attraction first, emotions later?”
“Some, but not everyone. A relationship built on the foundation of sex is much more likely to crumble than one built on friendship and trust.”
“We already crossed the trust subject. We made it quite clear we trust each other. I mean, yeah, I might have let Keller fall to the ground, but that was because I wasn’t mentally ready to catch his large frame. Watch, we can do it again, prove to you he trusts me.” I push at Keller’s shoulder. “Go ahead, stand up and fall into me.”
“We’re not doing that again,” Keller grumbles.
“Why not?” I whisper-shout. “Let’s show him what we got.”
“Princess Lilija, can I please ask why you’re getting so defensive right now? This is a safe space. There is no need to prove anything.”
“Yes, there is,” I say. “Because clearly every challenge you give us, we fail, and I’m sick of failing. We shouldn’t be failing. We love each other, we’re supposed to be getting married, and every time I come in this room, it feels like . . . you make it seem like . . .”
“Like what?” Elias asks.
“Like . . .” My lip trembles. “Like we shouldn’t get married.”
I don’t dare look at Keller because I can only imagine being met with anger and insecurity.
