“I have, and whenever we talk, it feels like we keep going around in circles with no solution.”
“What have you said to him?”
I stir my tea with a spoon, then lift the warm liquid to my lips, letting the bitter taste rest on my tongue before answering. “That I’m nervous he’s not telling me everything he should. He’s keeping things from me, his feelings, his fears. I’m afraid he’s pulling away. I’m worried he might run. That this will all be too much for him.”
“What has he said?”
“That it’s not. That he’ll never run. That we’ll be married. He reassures me, but I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. We never seem to get to the bottom of all the tension. Maybe it’s in my head. Maybe, like you said, it’s just the stress of the time we’re in, but everything feels off.” I set my tea down. “And he also mentioned that he’s been having nightmares again.”
“Has he?” Theo says while picking up a piece of apple and taking a bite. “Well, I think we need to remember that with Keller, he’s a creature of habit, and he’s battling a lot of change at the moment. He might be moody and difficult to work with, but we need to keep pushing him because this is his new normal. He needs to get used to this public attention, and this responsibility. There will be growing pains, but as long as we’re there, guiding him along the way and helping him out of his shell, then he’ll get better over time.”
“Do you think that’s what this is about?” I ask. “The impending responsibility of what it is to be the prince of Torskethorpe?”
“Yes, I do.” Theo eats some more of his apple. “Keller’s entire life has been spent behind the scenes. And now that he’s at the forefront of it all, I believe it’s confusing to him. I think he still has reservations about it. When I spoke to Henrik about the school outing, he told me how visibly uncomfortable Keller was. It wasn’t just the fact that he accidentally booted a little girl. It was that he wasn’t in his element from the moment he stepped out of the car. And the closer we get to the wedding, the more that reality is setting in for him. This will be his life, and he needs to accept that.”
“Oh,” I say, feeling bad. “Do you think . . . do you think he can’t handle it? Am I forcing him to do something that he’s not cut out for?”
Theo shakes his head. “He can handle it. I know he can. He just needs to think about treating the people of the community the same as he treated his staff here at the palace. It’s the same thing, just on a different level. He needs to have a change of thought, and that’s something I discussed with Gothi Elias.”
“You did?” I ask. “Is that something we’re going to work on during our next session?”
“I’m not sure, but he’s aware.”
“So . . . do you think we’ll be okay? You don’t think he’s going to decide in the middle of the night that this life isn’t for him and take off?”
Theo shakes his head. “Never. If anything, Keller is loyal to his bones. He has pledged his life to us, to the crown, to you. There will just be some bumps and challenges we’ll have to deal with along the way.”
“Okay.” I let out a deep breath, then lean back in my chair, my tears starting to fall again. “God, I’m sorry.” I dab at my eyes. “It’s just been tough, but this conversation has given me some peace. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Anytime you need to talk, I’m here for you.”
* * *
“Hey,”I say shyly as Keller comes up to me. He places his hand on my hip and pulls me into his strong chest. His woodsy cologne envelops me.So good.He presses a soft kiss to the top of my head, and the combination has me feeling dreamy.
And just like that, the worries, the stress, the frustration all melts away.
Quietly, he whispers into my ear, “You look beautiful.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. Right now, it doesn’t seem like there is anything distracting around us like cameras or assistants telling us where to be or what to do. It’s just me and Keller, like when we were in Harrogate. I want to stay in this moment.
I smooth my arms around his waist and hold on to him tightly.
“I missed you today.”
He wraps his arms around me as well. “I missed you too, Lilly.”
I glance up at him and rest my chin on his chest. “You usually see me in the morning, or at least make the effort to.”
“I was busy. It won’t happen again.” He lowers his mouth and presses his lips to mine. I hold on to him, on to his kiss for a moment longer, soaking him in. When he pulls away, he notices the tears that threaten to fall over my lids. “Why are you going to cry?”
“I just feel like things are so out of whack, and this moment brings me back to when we were in Harrogate, in your room, just holding each other.”
“We did a lot more than hold each other.”
That brings a smile to my face. I pinch his side and say, “That’s what I’m supposed to say.”
“Maybe you’re rubbing off on me.”
